Just about everyone has something they can point to about their sexual self that they fear they’d be judged for if other people knew about it. That said, you’re far from the only one that really enjoys a good spanking once in a while or likes to fantasize about something taboo when you masturbate.
It’s also worth noting that times are seriously changing when it comes to what the average person is not only willing to do in the bedroom, but talk openly about outside of it. The following are just a few sex-related practices that were once considered deviant but are now a lot more mainstream than you might think. The chances are pretty good that if you’re not into a given one, you most likely know someone that is (or wants to be).
- Anal Play
Once upon a time, anal was thought of as something incredibly taboo that you tried in the bedroom when you wanted to feel unusually naughty. Naturally, people have been “doing butt stuff” since the beginning of time, but over the past 20-30 years, it’s become a lot more mainstream and with good reason.
Not only does anal sex bring a unique sensation to the table for the insertive partner, but the anus is so rich in sensitive nerve endings that it can be phenomenally pleasurable for the penetrated partner as well. Many people even reach orgasm through anal play alone. Anal toys like butt plugs, beads, and anal vibrators are becoming increasingly popular as more and more people become comfortable with exploring the back door as well.
- Bondage and BDSM
All you have to do is consider the explosive success of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise to understand that BDSM isn’t just something that appeals only to a small group of deviants. It’s not terribly hard to see what’s arousing about pain when you really think about it either. Even something as simple as a spanking can take you back to your childhood and make you feel either humiliated or loved. BDSM is also a safe, fulfilling way to explore themes of control, submission, and trust.
There’s even evidence to suggest that BDSM is actually good for you. People that include it as part of their own sexual repertoires tend to be more open to new experiences and less anxious, paranoid, and neurotic than average. They’re also more likely to feel secure in their romantic and sexual relationships.
People may be less willing to openly admit they’re turned on by the idea of voyeurism than they are a spanking, but the overwhelming success of the porn industry is living proof that people love to watch. While it’s certainly not advisable to go out and become an actual Peeping Tom, it’s totally natural and normal to be turned on by watching others having sex, undressing, or even simply being naked.
Some of the appeal can probably be traced back to our formative years as children. After all, who didn’t have a parent or a grandparent that stressed sex and nudity were private things for adults only? The natural response is to be curious about what really goes on behind closed doors, even as an adult. Exactly why an increasing number of couples love watching porn together or coming up with ways to integrate voyeurism into their own play sessions!
- Lingerie and Costumes
Lingerie is so much more than just a way for a woman to provide her sharpest outfits with the right foundation. It’s also an underrated and extremely common sexual fetish. It’s not just about the skin factor either. Unlike a swimsuit, lingerie is technically something that isn’t meant to be seen by just anyone, lending it a mild but very real taboo factor.
Taking a trip to the lingerie store either by one’s self or in the company of a partner with the intention of finding something to wear in a sexual context is incredibly common. In fact, most of your friends have probably done it, whether or not they’re talking about it. Some are satisfied with the fare at their local Victoria’s Secret, but others enjoy the racier offerings bona fide sex shops have for sale as well. A little costume play certainly never hurt anyone either!
- Swinging and Open Relationships
Liking the idea of being with someone other than your mate, seeing your mate with someone else, or both is a lot more common than you might realize. In fact, nearly 90% of swingers are either married or otherwise in a committed relationship. Like BDSM, there’s a case to be made for swinging as something that’s good for you as well. Swingers tend to be happier and more confident in general. Many have happier relationships and are less jealous as well.
Open relationships and polyamory are similarly connected to lower amounts of jealousy in relationships and higher rates of general wellbeing. Of course, whether or not sharing your partner or opening up your relationship is right for you depends entirely on you, your partner, and what you’re both looking for in a relationship. However, you’re far from alone if that sounds like a welcome alternative to traditional monogamy.
- Role Playing
Role playing is the type of thing that sounds like it wouldn’t be anywhere near as widespread as it is, but we’re definitely living in a day and age when it’s common practice. It’s especially common among millennials with scenarios involving being strangers, strippers, and schoolgirls being the most popular. You don’t have to actually be a millennial for your sex life to benefit from a little extra imagination though. Couples of all ages have found roleplay to be an excellent way to spice things up and add a little variety to the mix.
How people roleplay definitely varies from couple to couple. Some people like to limit things to some creative storytelling or dirty talk in the heat of the moment. Others like to go all out with fun costumes, props, and toys. Ultimately, it’s up to you and your partner. Talk things through together, set a date to take your scenario of choice for a test drive, and have fun!
- Sex Toys
Saying that there used to be a lot of stigma surrounding the use of vibrators and sex toys is really quite the understatement. They once were thought of as masturbatory aids for lonely, single women that couldn’t reach sexual gratification any other way. Now they’re not only commonly and openly used by women from all walks of life, but they’ve also caught on with men as satisfying ways to add nuance and depth to their own solo sessions.
These days, sex toys are popular for use among couples as well. Not only do the same vibrators and other staples double nicely as toys for couples play, but there are a variety of additional toys on the market designed specifically for use by couples. There are even fantastically technologically advanced toys that can be remote controlled.
- Attraction to Older Women
It’s not just women that are attracted to men that are much older and more experienced than they are. Anililagnia is the tendency to be attracted to or aroused by older women and it’s increasingly common among men here in the 21st century. It’s not hard to see why either.
Like older men, older women tend to be a lot more independent and self-assured. They’re more mature in every aspect of life, as well as more experienced both in and out of the bedroom. Men that prefer them find the way they know who they are and what they want to be incredibly attractive, both sexually and mentally.
- Sex in Unusual Places
Years ago, sex was to bedrooms as cooking was to kitchens. The bedroom was pretty much always the place you went if you were down to get busy, full stop. People that craved the thrill of having sex someplace new and unusual were widely considered deviants for that reason.
This is far from the case these days. According to research, the desire to have sex somewhere unusual is among the most common sexual fantasies for both men and women. Over 80% of all people apparently fantasize on the regular about getting down and dirty someplace out of the ordinary and quite a lot of people are following through.
Even those that aren’t interested in the idea of full-scale swinging or having an open relationship frequently fantasize about bringing someone else into their bedroom on a temporary basis. According to a recent survey, about 20% of both men and women have engaged in a threesome at least once in their lives. A similar survey conducted just six years prior showed only 10% of people had done the same.
Threesomes are definitely becoming more common as people become increasingly more liberated sexually. Not only are people more comfortable exploring new ground in the bedroom, but the Internet makes it easier than ever before to find potential third parties to explore with. Just one more way the web has revolutionized our lives and made them delightfully convenient!