At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how awesome you are at sex. If you’re a man that’s sexually into women, it’s pretty much impossible to know it all. Even if you’ve got a full understanding of how the female body experiences pleasure to fall back on, each individual woman is different. It doesn’t exactly help that there’s often a disconnection between what men in general think women want in bed and what they actually want either.

If that state of affairs sounds familiar, then you’ve definitely come to the right place. Forget what your buddies or your favorite porn films would lead you to believe as far as how your female partner wants to be treated in the bedroom. We’re here to let you in on the real deal. Start with the following must-know pointers from actual women and watch the quality of your sex life skyrocket.

  1. Most women are slow burners.

You already probably understand that it takes longer for the average woman to reach orgasm than it does the average man. Generally speaking, it takes a woman a lot longer than a man to get into that sexy state of mind as well. Men can be ready to go at the drop of a hat, but most women prefer to take their time.

That said, slow down. Take your time. Instead of rushing for the finish line, savor the process of undressing her. Don’t underestimate the sizzle potential of some well-placed kisses either. Start at the nape of her neck and slowly move on to some gentle ear nibbles. Taking your time a little doesn’t just give her a chance to really get excited about the main event either. If you’re with a new partner, foreplay is a great opportunity to get to know how she most enjoys being touched.

  1. A little sexy talk is fantastic and not just in the bedroom.

Even the most modest person can appreciate a little dirty talk when things get really steamy as you no doubt already know. Don’t assume that it’s only good for spicing things up during the main event though. Dirty talk can be just as much of a turn-on outside of the bedroom, especially for women.

The next time you and that special someone are enjoying an evening out that’s sure to be followed by some sizzling bedroom action, try incorporating a few choice phrases into the mix throughout your evening. The trick is to know what to say and when. Enjoying a romantic dinner and sense you’re having a chemical moment? Tell her how gorgeous she looks tonight and follow by telling her how badly she makes you want her.

Going out dancing or to a movie afterward? If the right moment strikes, pull her close and tell her exactly what you’d like to do to her once the two of you are alone together. Nothing’s more of a turn-on to a woman than hearing her man tell her how sexy he finds her and making it clear how much he desires her.

  1. She wants to know you enjoy pleasing her.

If you’re a man, then a really excellent blow job is probably among your favorite things in life. Most women feel exactly the same way about really great quality oral. Plus, a strong head game is a good thing to have in your corner if she has trouble reaching orgasm in other ways. However, like you, she can totally pick up on it if you’re hesitant or reluctant to go down on her… and it really ruins her ability to enjoy it to the fullest if that’s the case.

Approach oral sex the way you would want her to – with enthusiasm that shows. Tell her how good she tastes and how much you love pleasing her. The occasional moan of obvious enjoyment can be a serious turn-on as well.

  1. A G-spot orgasm is the sexual Holy Grail to many women.

Only around 30% of all women have ever successfully experienced a G-spot orgasm. However, the great majority of women that haven’t would really like to and would seriously admire the guy that can get them there. Make it your goal to become that guy for your partner.

There are lots of ways to go about helping her orgasm this way, but it’s worth noting that it may or may not ever happen because of your penis. Try stimulating her G-spot with a curved finger instead. If she’s into sex toys, you could also consider surprising her with a specially shaped vibe designed to stimulate her G-spot. Tell her you’d like to use it on her or watch her use it on herself.

  1. Women have fantasies too.

Just about every man has a private (or not so private) collection of personal fantasies he thinks about from time to time. Those fantasies probably influence his taste in porn and he most likely secretly hopes that one day his partner will decide she’s down with making one or more of them come true. Well, guess what. Women have just as many fantasies and would love the chance to live them out in real life just as much.

If she hasn’t already told you what hers are, consider sitting her down and asking her. Exchanging fantasies isn’t just a deliciously sexy way to bring the two of you closer together. It’s a fantastic opportunity to please each other in some wonderfully personal ways. Choose one of the fantasies she shares with you and put your mind to making it come true. She’ll love you for it.

  1. Women love men that are open to playing with toys.

The wide, wonderful world of vibrators and other sex toys isn’t just something a few isolated women are into. Over 50% of all women own or use a vibrator or other sex toy regularly. The chances are pretty good that your female partner has one and uses it to enhance her solo playtime often. If she’s like most women, she also thinks there’s nothing sexier than a man that is confident enough in himself not to be intimidated or bothered by her toys.

If you do know your partner has a fondness for toys, consider inviting her to introduce you to them sometime. Ask her for permission to choose something from her toy chest and use it to pleasure her right there on the spot. If you’re open to letting her use one on you, so much the better. Lots of sex toys, vibrating and otherwise, feel just as delightful to the male anatomy. Try it for yourself and see!

  1. Shopping for sex toys together is a great experience.

If you do decide to open up your sexual world by occasionally adding toys to your intimate encounters, consider taking things to the next level by shopping for toys together sometime. Just like sharing fantasies and talking openly about turn-ons, toy shopping provides an awesome opportunity to explore some exciting new territory together.

Make some time together to sit down in front of the computer, log onto your favorite toy site, and see what’s out there. Take turns pointing out different toys that you think might be interesting. Tell her which ones you’d really like to use on her… and then mention a couple you’d like her to try using on you.

You should both also consider checking out some of the many couples’ toys out there. Couples toys are specially designed to bring both of you to the brink in incredible new ways. You can keep things simple with a vibrating cock ring or a similar item. Alternatively, you can decide to try a high-caliber remote controlled toy set that allows you to stimulate one another via a handy phone app. Perfect for long-distance relationships or for those business trips that keep you apart physically for way too long!

  1. Women really appreciate an adventurous man.

Everyone likes spicing things up in the sex department once in a while, but more often than not, that responsibility falls to the woman to take care of. Show her you’re not the typical guy by taking the initiative and being the one to think of something super sexy to try together, preferably something chosen with her personal likes in mind. Consider the following commonly appreciated ideas to begin with:

  • There’s just something about the outdoors, especially when it’s time to get frisky. Consider seizing the opportunity the next time the two of you find yourself on a lonely stretch of beach or with a secluded clearing all to yourself in the middle of the woods.
  • The next time the two of you are home alone on a lazy Sunday, draw a bubble bath, light some candles, and pour some wine. Get in yourself and invite your partner to join you.
  • In many relationships, it’s usually the man that takes the lead in the bedroom. Why not encourage her to take the wheel for a change? You’ll both absolutely love it.

At the end of the day, being the amazing lover you’ve always dreamed of becoming isn’t impossible. It just calls for a little creativity and openness. Try it today!