When it comes to most things about sex, everyone really is different. Some people are all about commitment and monogamy while others like to play the field. Some people can’t get enough anal while others prefer sex that has nothing whatsoever to do with their back door. Some people enjoy straightforward vanilla lovemaking while others are totally all about the kink.
However, there’s one thing pretty much everyone has in common when it comes to sex. They wonder whether or not their personal take on it is normal and they’re definitely curious how they stack up against others in that department. The following are just a few little-known ways you’re actually more normal than you might think you are when it comes to getting down and dirty. Do any of them sound familiar?
- You don’t have or crave sex non-stop.
If you feel like you’re expected to have or want sex 24/7, it’s not hard to understand why. Movies, television, and the media definitely make it seem as if normal, healthy people are pretty much down to do the nasty every second of every day. If they’re not, then something must be wrong.
In actuality, everyone really is different, even when it comes to their libidos. Some people really do like to have sex very frequently, up to and including multiple times a day, but not everyone is like that nor should they feel like they have to be. Some people are perfectly satisfied having sex once a week or even just once a month. So long as both you and your partner are happy with the frequency, as well as with the quality of the sex you do have, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.
- You don’t have an orgasm every time (or care that you don’t).
Another common misconception many people have about sex is that both parties are “supposed to” have an orgasm at least once every time they have sex. If someone in particular doesn’t (especially if they don’t as a rule), there’s something wrong with them or wrong with the sex.
In reality, there are lots of people that don’t reach orgasm during intercourse. For some it’s an occasional thing, but for others it’s something that pretty much never happens. In fact, the great majority of women – around 75% — never reach orgasm from intercourse alone. Up to 15% of women never have orgasms at all, even with additional stimulation. It’s rarer for men not to reach orgasm with any regularity, but we can assure you that it definitely happens as well. All of those people are still normal.
Satisfaction doesn’t necessarily even mean having an orgasm to a lot of people. Sometimes the closeness, intimacy, and chance to connect to a partner is much more important. For those folks, sexual satisfaction is all about the experience, not the finish line, and it’s not a big deal to them if they don’t have a big O. Again, so long as missing or infrequent orgasms don’t bother you or your partner, there’s nothing whatsoever to worry about.
- You prefer open relationships or sex with multiple people.
There’s a lot to love about committed, monogamous relationships and keeping sex strictly between the two of you. However, it’s important to understand that monogamy isn’t for everyone. If you prefer a certain degree of openness in your sexual relationships, that’s also OK, not to mention normal. Plenty of modern people have open relationships or open marriages. Still others prefer not to be in relationships at all.
It’s just as normal for you and your committed partner to occasionally be interested in bringing a third person into your bed or in swinging with other couples. Watching your partner with someone else (or letting them watch you) can be profoundly arousing and a great way to spice things up. As long as everyone involved is comfortable with it, anything goes as far as how open or exclusive you want your sexual relationships to be.
- You only get turned on when you fantasize.
Everyone enjoys a good fantasy now and again. After all, it’s fun and arousing to picture what it would be like to be dominated by someone you find sexually attractive, to have group sex, or to be with someone of the same gender even if you’re straight. Some people even fantasize about scenarios that involve rape or abuse of some kind and still more people even require fantasy in order to get aroused in the first place.
If that’s you, you might have wondered “what’s wrong with me”. Actually, nothing! Most people fantasize to one extent or another and many of those people picture scenarios that might be taboo under normal circumstances. Fantasizing about being raped (to name just one example) doesn’t mean you actually want it to happen or condone rape in any way.
There’s also nothing wrong with wanting to share your fantasies with your partner. If fantasizing is something you love to do, you might want to consider talking to your partner about adding roleplay to your sexual repertoire. Costumes, props, and good old-fashioned imagination can be great tools to have in your corner when it comes to exploring a fantasy in a little more depth.
- You really dig having sex in public.
You’d be hard-pressed to find anyone that doesn’t agree it sometimes feels really good to be bad. Lots of people wonder what it would be like to get dirty somewhere out in public in particular, so if you’re one of them, you’re definitely normal. If your partner’s also game, don’t feel guilty about going for it.
Try playing with one another underneath the table at a restaurant while maintaining the appearance that nothing’s going on. Sneak off into an empty room or find a private spot to engage in a little oral or even a quickie if you think you can pull it off. One-time-use versions of sex toys like cock rings or vibrators even make it possible to bring a few covert good vibrations into the mix.
- You absolutely love using sex toys.
Speaking of sex toys, it’s also completely normal to enjoy using them to add an extra dimension of pleasure to your sex life. In fact, using sex toys by yourself can be a great way to get to know your body better, experiment with different sensations, and learn what kind of stimulation makes you orgasm. There are toys that allow you to experiment with G-spot stimulation, anal play, nipple stimulation, and so much more as well.
It’s another common misconception that sex toys are just for women to use as masturbatory aids. Many men appreciate the extra sensation a sex toy brings to the table and love options like masturbation sleeves or sex dolls. Lots of couples make toys a regular part of their sex lives together as well. Cock rings, couple’s vibrators, remote controlled toys, and more can be terrific ways to increase satisfaction for both partners if desired.
- You really enjoy a drink or two before having sex.
Lots of people enjoy a drink or two when they want to loosen up and have fun. That said, it’s just as normal (and common) to love kicking off a romantic evening or a sexual romp with a couple of shots or glasses of wine.
It’s important to keep in mind that too much alcohol can lead to other problems. For instance, it can lead to performance issues or – in some cases — emotional disconnection, but in moderate amounts, alcohol is a great social lubricant. So long as everything you’re doing works for the both of you, go ahead and drink up!
- You have a kink (or two, or three).
There’s nothing wrong with liking vanilla missionary sex whatsoever, but it’s not necessarily for everyone every single time they want to have sex. You’re still totally normal if you like a good spanking now and then or if you sometimes really get a hankering for some hot anal play. (Seriously, Fifty Shades of Grey didn’t sell millions of copies for no reason!)
Liking the idea of being controlled in bed sometimes doesn’t somehow make you less of a feminist. Thinking gender role swaps are hot doesn’t mean you secretly wish you were a member of the opposite gender. Enjoying a good student-teacher role play now and then doesn’t mean you’re attracted to underage partners. It’s all good, clean fun that it’s totally normal to enjoy and engage in so long as you’re both cool with it.
Of course, these are just a few of the many things that sometimes get people wondering if they’re normal or not. At the end of the day, “normal” covers a lot more ground than most of us tend to think, so there are more people out there just like you than you think. So long as you and your partners are down with whatever’s going down, it’s all good. Relax and enjoy!