If you’ve ever seen a movie or a television show that included a scene set at a sex party, the chances are pretty good that you were intrigued and with good reason. Sex parties almost always look like a lot of fun. Everyone looks fantastic and seems to be experiencing the very epitome of a good time. It’s only natural to wonder what it would be like to attend such a party in real life and more people than you might think have done exactly that.
Although sex parties aren’t exactly mainstream, they’re definitely something a decent chunk of the people you’ve met in your lifetime would like to experience at some point if they haven’t already. According to a recent poll conducted by the Huffington Post, about 9% of all people have actually been to a sex party at some point in their lives. An additional 13% hadn’t been to a sex party yet, but would be totally down to experience one at some point in the future.
However, fantasizing about going to a sex party is one thing. Actually making the jump to attending one is another, so it’s only natural to have questions and concerns. It definitely pays to be prepared. Here we’ll go over everything you need to know to make sure the experience is everything you’re hoping it will be.
- How do I find a sex party to attend?
Although it’s tempting to think finding parties to attend would be difficult when you’re brand new to the scene, it’s actually pretty easy. Social networking platforms geared toward kinkier folks are good places to engage in conversation about sex parties and get to know some local folks that attend such events frequently. (FetLife is just one well-known example.)
You can also attend local munches – public vanilla get-togethers where you can socialize with like-minded people and get the skinny on upcoming events. You may want to keep an eye on the goings-on at any local kink clubs as well. Some of them may occasionally host public sex parties. Just double-check that they’re not simply “sex-themed” first.
- What is the going protocol at your average sex party?
Television and movies have a way of making it look like sex parties are completely disorganized free-for-alls where every single attendee is having sex with anyone and everyone else. In reality, sex parties come attached to rules, as well as a code of etiquette.
Rule number one at literally every sex party is that it’s all about consent. If another attendee is interested in joining you or the group you came with, they’ll ask politely and you totally have the right to say “no thanks” if you’re not into it. They’re not going to be offended. Other guests have the same right to say “no” to you and you shouldn’t get offended either. You’re 100% in control of everything that happens there to the same degree as every other guest.
Other rules vary from party to party, so make sure you look into what’s allowed and what isn’t well in advance. This is the easiest way to make absolutely sure you’re both eligible to attend and cool with anything that might be expected of you. Some parties don’t allow single men, but will allow single women. Some are swinger’s parties that are for couples only. Still others will have “no lurking” rules, meaning every guest will be required to participate to at least some extent. If you’re not sure about anything specific, don’t hesitate to reach out to the folks organizing the party and ask.
- How should I dress to go to a sex party?
If you’re like most people, you always want to look your best when you go out socially, but appearance and grooming are even more important when you’re attending a sex party. Most attendees, put a lot of time and energy into presenting themselves sexiest and most appealing. Dress to impress and don’t be afraid to show your frisky side. It helps if your outfit of choice is practical as well, meaning it’s not a big hassle to take off once the action gets started.
It should go without saying, but you also definitely want to pay extra attention to personal hygiene. You’ll want to shower and brush your teeth right before you go. You’ll want to make sure your skin and hair look clean, soft, and well taken care of. You’ll obviously want to pay attention to how well your intimate areas are groomed as well.
- What can I expect to see right when I arrive?
People that are new to sex parties often expect to arrive and see people going at it right from the minute they walk through the front door. Unless you’re showing up ridiculously late, that’s incredibly unlikely. Most sex parties look and seem exactly like every other party you’ve ever been to as far as the beginning stages.
In other words, you won’t be expected to drop your pants and pop a boner on command the minute you arrive. Just grab a drink, be friendly, and enjoy the atmosphere. Talk to people. Allow other people to talk to you. Just relax and let things unfold however they may. Remember, nothing will happen that you don’t choose or consent to.
- Will I be expected to have safe sex?
As touched on above, sex parties are definitely not free-for-alls where there are no boundaries, rules, or expectations. People that are all about the sex party scene don’t just take consent seriously. They’re just as careful about their sexual health, as everyone should be when they enjoy casual sex or play with many partners.
That said, regular attendees are always safe when it comes to sex. They protect themselves in their daily lives and they most certainly will do so at a sex party. They’ll expect you to do the same. For instance, lots of sex parties feature gigantic bowls of condoms on tables, bars, counters, you name it. However, you’re totally welcome to bring your own if there’s a specific brand or style you prefer.
- What’s the protocol in regards to sex toys? Can I bring them?
You’ll definitely see sex toys in use at the average sex party. Don’t expect to see random bowls filled with dildos, anal beads, or butt plugs the way you will condoms though. Sex toys can be very personal items, so it’s generally understood that guests bring their own to the party if they’re so inclined.
If you do decide to bring your favorite vibe or strap-on dildo to a party with you, make sure it’s pristinely clean. Be prepared to re-wash your toys before and after each additional use it might see over the course of a given party. You might also want to opt for non-porous materials like glass or silicone that are easy to clean thoroughly. Consider grabbing an extra condom and putting it over penetrative toys like dildos and vibrators before use as well.
- How can I make sure I have fun at my first sex party?
Don’t feel like you have to go whole hog at the very first sex party you go to (unless you want to, of course). Consider attending an event where it’s not against the rules to simply watch if you like. It’s a great way to get comfortable with the scene, see how other people handle themselves, and decide whether or not it’s truly right for you. Plus, voyeurism can be really hot in and of itself. If just observing doesn’t feel explicit enough, you can always masturbate while you watch.
You may also want to consider coming to the party with someone else. Every party is more fun and less nerve-wracking when there’s someone else there you know and are comfortable with and sex parties are no exception. In fact, you’ll notice that lots of the other guests will be there with at least one other person. No one will judge you if you show up alone though. Generally speaking, sex parties are judgment-free safe havens in every sense of the word.
- What about alcohol and drugs? Will people expect me to get drunk or high?
The great majority of sex parties will see plenty of alcohol flowing. A few may even welcome drug use. However, no one will actually expect you to take drugs or get super drunk, so don’t worry about being pressured to do something you’re not comfortable with. In fact, it’s generally better etiquette not to have too much to drink.
Think back to the last time you planned on hooking up with someone that decided to get really sloppy drunk later on in the evening. It was probably kind of a turn-off to say the least. Mega-wasted isn’t a good look on anyone and people definitely aren’t going to appreciate it at a sex party, so don’t be that guy.
At the end of the day, it’s understandable if you’re nervous about attending your first sex party, but don’t forget to be excited as well. You could be opening the door to a whole new world you’ll really enjoy. Just relax, explore, and enjoy the ride!