Initiating Sex: 10 Must-Know Tips for Women
As women, we all have those times we’re in the mood to be naughty, but our partner is totally engrossed in a football game or his Facebook feed. Most women simply ignore the urge to jump their partner’s bones, opting instead to hope he initiates things himself soon. Others realize that it’s totally an option to take matters into their own hands and just go for it.
Not only is it healthy and acceptable for women to initiate sex when they’re horny, but the chances are excellent that your man actually wishes you’d do so more often. The following are just a few tips and ideas to keep in mind if you’re the shy, retiring type most of the time, but long to be the type that just grabs the reins like an absolute boss.
- Stop thinking of initiating sex as the man’s job.
Here in 2018, it’s pretty safe to say that most of us ladies definitely see ourselves as the bad-ass forces to be reckoned with that we are. So why do we still think it’s up to the men in our lives to initiate sex? Believe it or not, initiating sex is often as intimidating for a man as it is for a woman so it’s really not fair to leave it to him all the time.
What’s more, men need to feel attractive and desired by their partners to the same degree women do. Showing him you crave his touch and closeness by initiating things yourself helps assure him you enjoy having sex with him just as much as he enjoys it with you.
- Take the time to look the part.
No, we’re not necessarily talking about getting all dressed up in your sexiest see-through lingerie (although that’s certainly an option if you’re game). You’re not required to put on something super revealing that leaves nothing to the imagination either. Decide what “looking sexy” means to you and roll with it when you’ve got sex on the brain.
Put on an outfit that makes you feel like a million dollars (perhaps with some sexy lingerie on underneath). Take the time to do your hair and make-up as well. And by all means, if dressing up in a costume or even being completely nude makes you feel like the sexy siren you are, go for it! You’re unlikely to hear any complaints from your man.
- Tell him what you want.
Men get incredibly turned on when women not only know exactly what they want in bed, but aren’t afraid to ask for it. That said, don’t be afraid to be a little demanding. Trust us when we say it’s an easy, simple way to take your man from inattentive to rabidly horny pretty much instantly.
Tell your man in no uncertain terms that you’re hot and bothered. Go over what you want him to do to you right now in as much detail as you’re comfortable with. Don’t forget to also tell him what you want to do to him in return. Then brace yourself for the inevitable.
- Put your body to good use.
Are you not really the vocal type when it comes to sex? Tongue-tied as to ideas when it comes to what to say to turn your man on? Try using your body to let him know what’s up instead. You’ll speak volumes without even saying a word.
If you’re lying next to each other in bed or cuddling on the couch, try lightly grinding your pelvis against his and seeing what happens. If you’re ideally positioned for it, consider casually rubbing his thigh or even his crotch with your hand. If neither of those things is your style, you can always give him a sensual back or neck rub and see where it leads.
- Start laying the groundwork first thing in the morning.
Maybe it’s a special occasion like Valentine’s Day or your anniversary and you know you’d like sex to be a part of the plan at some point. Maybe you just woke up with that old familiar itch this morning. Whatever the case may be, you definitely don’t want to underestimate the power of an early start.
Start sending the message that you’re feeling randy right from the minute they wake up or as they’re walking out the door to work. (Think lingering caresses and hungry looks that leave little to the imagination.) Then keep the tension building all day long in subtle but pointed ways. Just don’t be surprised if he absolutely has to have you the second he walks in the door that evening.
- Leverage the power of texting.
Speaking of building sexual tension, you definitely want to be using your smartphone to your advantage. Chances are you and your guy already text here and there throughout the day as a way to communicate and stay in touch. Just take things one step further – or several – by adding a little sizzle to your messages.
Instead of texting your man just to remind him to pick up milk on the way home the way you normally might, try flirting with him instead. Tell him you miss him, are thinking about him, and can’t wait to see him later. Tell him point blank that you’re horny. Be as sexy, explicit, or blunt as you like. Take sexy selfies as a way to get him all revved up. You get the picture! As long as it’s sexy and all about showing him how desired he is, it’s game.
- Drop hints that leave nothing to the imagination.
Are you the type that likes to walk the line between coy and bold? Try leaving a super sexy hint that leaves no room for confusion as to where your mind is at. Get out the couple’s vibrator the two of you like to use together or the scented warming lube you break out when you’re in the mood for something special. Then leave it on his pillow. When he asks you about it, respond with a flirty wink or a sexy quip about what you’d like to do later.
If that’s not quite your style, you can try treating your man to a little peep show instead. Try “accidentally on purpose” letting him see you slip into your sexiest bra and sexy panty set before getting dressed for work in the morning or leaving the door cracked while you’re soaping up in the shower. Don’t be afraid to strike your sexiest poses once you’re sure he’s watching as well.
- Let a massage get a little out of control.
As touched on above, a massage can be an excellent way to initiate physical contact with your beloved any time. There’s no need to keep things G-rated and hope he takes the hint on his own though (unless you want to). The whole male fantasy of a massage that comes complete with a happy ending is definitely something to consider if you find yourself in the mood to make dreams come true.
Start by offering him an affectionate rubdown as a way to decompress after a long day at work or soothe tired muscles after a hard workout. Then slowly work your way down south. Make your way to his inner thighs and then take the obvious route from there. You can certainly use your hands for this, but a classic wand massager definitely does the job as well.
- Wake them up in a sexy way.
Are you the type of woman that loves the element of surprise? Consider waking your partner up in the sweetest, sexiest way possible. Tease him awake in the middle of the night with some gentle nuzzling followed by some stroking that leaves no room for error when it comes to what you want. When he responds, simply do what comes naturally.
Are you more of a morning person? Treat your lover to a sweet surprise by initiating a blow job while he’s still asleep or let him wake up to the sweet sensation of you gently grinding up against him. You’ll both have more of a spring in your step that day.
- Make it a regular thing.
However you choose to approach the business of initiating sex with your man more often, don’t make it something you do only once in a great while. It should actually be a regular thing. (Don’t forget what we said about how men need to feel desired and pursued sometimes!) Even if your partner enjoys initiating things himself, he’ll still appreciate the change of pace.
Don’t be afraid to keep things fresh by getting a little creative from time to time as well. If you’re the romantic sort, try leaving a trail of rose petals (or shed garments) that leads to your bedroom and then be there waiting in his favorite lingerie. Meet him at the door in costume or completely nude. Let your imagination run wild and go with the flow. You’ll both appreciate the change of pace!