It’s time to make sex FUN again.
Remember when you were a child and used to play ‘pretend?’ You didn’t worry about what others thought of you. You just happily dove into your imagination (alone or with friends) and lived your fantasies. Playing ‘pretend’ allowed you to try on a host of different personalities. It felt adventurous and exciting, as well as fun.
I remember once playing with a close family friend. He played the pirate and I was the princess he had captured. He created a detailed fantasy that saw me brought to a cave (a bedroom closet) and tied up. He told my little brother and his little sister that they had to raise a ransom or I would never be seen alive again. Alone in the dark closet, with my hands tied together, I felt scared … but also a thrill of excitement.
I never forgot that feeling.
Now, think back to the beginning of your relationship. Each day brought some new discovery about your partner, yourself and your relationship. Each day was exciting!
In order to bring back that rush, do something new, out of the ordinary, and exciting again. Couples who go on exciting date nights have a more vibrant charge between them than those who merely go on pleasant dates. The same applies to your sexlife. Routine sex quickly becomes boring and less satisfying. As sex becomes less satisfying, so does your relationship. So improve your relationship by having more and better sex!
Role play is one of the best ways to add surprise and intrigue back into your sex life. When you pretend you’re someone else and enact a scene, you can bring your fantasies to life and share different facets of yourself with your partner.
So, what stops people from engaging in role play in the bedroom? The number one reason is … embarrassment. They feel silly, self-conscious, and foolish. That’s understandable and quite normal. But you’re missing a world of love, fun, and pleasure if you let that fear keep you from exploring role play.
Here are a five ways you can avoid those uncomfortable feelings and embark on new kinky sexual adventures with your partner:
1. Talk about what you want to do before beginning.
One of the keys to a good role play is to think about your character in advance and about what you will say and do (and what you won’t). Don’t surprise your partner the first time you decide to role play. Sit down together and discuss what you’d like to try … and why.
2. Do some research to figure out your favorite fantasies.
Watch some movies together as research. Think about the plot lines, look at the characters. Talk about your likes and dislikes. Think about what is practical to create yourselves, and what would prove more difficult.
3. Start with a story that is close to real life and does not require lots of costumes or props to work.
Instead of starting with a heavily costumed role play scenario that might make your feel silly, start smaller … and closer to every day life. Maybe pretend that you’re strangers meeting for the first time. This scene requires no special accents, locations or costumes (so, less opportunity to feel ridiculous). Yet this ‘stranger scenario’ is also a really exciting and sexy scene to role play. Easy-to-create scenes are less likely to make you feel stupid.
Here are a few to try:
- Strangers on a train. Arrange to ride the same train and pretend you do not know each other. Flirt without words. You might try rubbing against each other surreptitiously (but be careful with this; if you’re convincing as strangers, someone might think one of you is accosting the other and interfere!). Or you might simply exit the train without words and head to a place where you can explore each other further. Agree to say as little as possible throughout the encounter.
- Courtesan or Gigolo: One of you pretends to be a high priced courtesan or gigolo. You can get a hotel room for the night and meet there. Play the scene out in detail with the customer paying over the money and requesting what he or she wants. Courtesan or gigolo, focus completely on ‘your client’ to make sure they have a fantastic time and will want to see you again.
- Repairman/repairwoman: Set the scene with the partner at home telephoning the repairman because the washing machine has broken and let the scene unfold from there.
4. Go with the flow and remain flexible.
If you start a role play scenario and something isn’t working, change things up. Don’t cling tightly to details. Or, if the whole thing isn’t working, be willing to stop and switch to something else entirely. You might abandon the scene for now and go back to research so the energy you invested in this date isn’t lost. And finally, don’t take any of this too seriously (or personally)! This is role play.
5. Expect to laugh at some point (and don’t worry about it).
Take your time with the scene. As long as you aren’t laughing at your partner (belittling each other is not OK), laughter usually increases intimacy. Laughing is often a sign of nervousness, so people begin to laugh at first and then, as the arousal takes over, the laughter disappears. Keep things light-hearted.
Remember — the more you engage in role play, the easier it becomes.
You’ll start to remember what it was like as a child when you weren’t at all self-conscious and the whole point was to have a great time. Be creative and have fun!
written by Lori Beth Bisbey, June 15, 2016 “5 Ways to Explore Role Play in the Bedroom (Without Feeling Foolish)” http://www.yourtango.com/experts/loribethbisbey/how-enjoy-role-play-in-the-bedroom-without-feeling-foolish