If you’ve been thinking you could totally stand to be having better sex these days, you’re in excellent company. Most people are nothing if not seriously busy these days. This only becomes more the case once they reach a place in life where their career’s picking up or there are children to take care of. At times, it can feel difficult to impossible to maintain a healthy, active sex life that’s everything it should be and understandably so.
However, that’s no reason to simply decide you shouldn’t try! A truly satisfying sex life is way too good to miss out on. It’s also a lot easier to achieve and maintain than you might think it is. The following are just a few of the many ways you can start having better sex right now – today even. Get started today!
- Wear something sexy to bed.
One of the best things about being married or in a committed relationship is you finally get to be comfortable with someone. You don’t have to worry as much about maintaining a façade. You can finally just relax and be yourself. However, it’s all too easy to wind up with too much of a good thing in this regard if you’re not careful.
If you’ve officially reached the point where you come to bed in a ratty t-shirt more often than not, it’s definitely time to rethink your bedroom attire. Consider buying something red hot to wear instead or treating yourself to a trip to the waxing salon for a “landscaping” touch-up. You’ll love what it does for both your libidos.
- Engage in a little role play.
As touched on above, you’re not alone if you feel like “real life” is putting a total damper on your sex life. That’s exactly why you should consider taking a little break from the same old routine now and then by indulging in a little fantasy. Role play in particular is a great way to not only spice things up in the sex department, but to truly let go of everyday stresses.
The less your roleplay reflects real life, the better! Try playing doctor and patient or teacher and student. Plan a date with one another and pretend you’re strangers that just met. Make believe you’re two people having an affair. You can even invest in some fun costumes to wear or props to use if the mood strikes.
- Give yourself permission to act like teenagers again.
Most of us fondly remember what it was like to be teenagers falling in love and discovering sex for the first time. Back then, everything seemed so colorful and exciting. Sadly, people mistakenly believe that adulthood means leaving that excitement behind when it really doesn’t have to.
Try asking what your teenage self would have done with a free evening or weekend and then do exactly that at your earliest opportunity. Spend an afternoon hanging out somewhere you used to love to be as a young person. Give yourself permission not to dress your age for a change. Go to the movies together, sit in the back row, and then spend the entire time making out. If the mood strikes, steal a few moments in the middle of the day and have sex in your car. Be creative!
- Treat yourself to a sex toy.
The days when intimate toys were considered just for sex-starved housewives are long over with. Here in the 21st century, people are all about recognizing masturbation for what it is – a fun, enjoyable part of a healthy sex life whether or not you’re in a relationship. If you’re not already on the bandwagon, it’s high time you got on board.
Spend some time browsing the wares at one of your favorite sex shops or online sex toy emporiums. Pick out a new item you’re excited about trying, as well as a new kind of lube to use with it. Use it to turn your solo sessions into indulgences you look forward to as another way to pamper and love yourself – like a bubble bath or a day at the salon.
- Bring your toy into the bedroom.
Speaking of sex toys, don’t make the mistake of assuming you have to keep yours all to yourself. Using toys together can be an amazing way to add new life to a sexual repertoire that might be getting a little stale. Plus, there are few limits to what even a simple toy like a bullet vibe can bring to the table.
Toys can be used to help both male and female partners increase the quality (and number) of orgasms they have. Use them to provide vital clitoral stimulation when engaging in positions like doggie style that might not provide enough on their own. Vibrating or pulsating toys can feel awesome when held against a man’s shaft, scrotum, or perineum as well. Use them on yourselves or on each other as you please. The sky’s the limit, so don’t be afraid to be creative!
- Shop for sexy items together.
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with shopping for items like sex toys, lube, or even intimate apparel on your own, don’t underestimate the benefits of shopping as a couple. Taking the time to explore what’s out there together often turns out to be a bonding experience in many different ways.
For instance, it’s impossible not to engage in dialogue about topics that are important, but that many couples don’t actually discuss when you’re shopping for sexy items. You’ll each wind up talking about your fantasies and your desires. You’ll share information about what sorts of sensations do and don’t feel good, as well as what types of scenarios turn you on. Then there’s the anticipation that comes when you’ve selected something special and can’t wait to take it for a test run later on!
- Make foreplay an all-day affair.
It’s easy to spend the entire day focused on stressful things that you have to take care of like work deadlines, child-rearing responsibilities, or household chores and sadly that’s exactly what most of us do. Getting into the mood to be sexy with our partners later is a challenge under those circumstances and understandably so.
Why not shift the balance by giving each other something sweet to focus on throughout the day instead? When you part ways in the morning, take the time to give your beloved a long, lingering kiss and maybe some well-placed fondling. Then surprise them throughout the day with naughty texts, pictures, or emails that make it clear how excited you’ll be to have some time alone with them later on. Even if you’re not necessarily in the mood to be naughty, going out of your way to let your partner know you’re missing them and thinking about them can work wonders for your sex life.
- Be more vocal in the bedroom.
Whether you’re male or female, you can probably agree that nothing is hotter than a partner that isn’t afraid to let loose and be vocal in bed. We assure you that your partner is no different. If they’re doing something that feels oh so right, don’t be afraid to let them know with a moan or even just by telling them in so many words. You won’t just turn them on either. You might be surprised at how sexy it makes you feel as well.
If you’re game, you might want to consider taking things a step or two further and engaging in a little dirty talk. Tell your partner exactly what you want them to do to you, not to mention what you want to do to them. Encourage them to follow suit. Again, nothing make sex hotter than feeling as if your partner’s so revved up they can barely stop themselves from expressing it loud and clear.
- Enjoy erotic media together.
There’s a reason why porn and masturbation go together like peanut butter and jelly. Watching other people do sexy things to each other (or reading about it) can’t help but put you in the mood to get dirty, not to mention enhance your enjoyment of it when you do exactly that. Trust us when we say that porn does just as good a job at getting people primed and ready for partnered sex.
If you and your partner are game, consider taking the plunge into enjoying porn as a couple. Watch it as part of foreplay, act out some of what you see on screen as part of the main event, or just play things by ear. Not sure watching porn together is for you? Porn can be just as effective when you watch it on your own and share favorite clips or inspiration you’ve gleaned from porn after the fact.
- Make sex a priority.
Sex is really, really important to most of us, yet most of us treat it like it’s a second rate priority at best. Change your sex life for the better by also changing the position at which sex appears on your to-do list. Instead of doing it “when you have time” or “some night you’re not too tired”, give your sex life your full attention.
Instead of ending a full work day with sex “if you feel up to it”, try starting your day with a bang and having morning sex instead. Dedicate the occasional Sunday to spending all day in bed with your partner (preferably naked). Make vacation plans with your sex life in mind. It won’t be long before the sex you are having is out-of-this-world incredible!