When you’re a woman, it’s more than acceptable for you to not be in the mood for sex on a given night. You can say you’re too tired or that you have a headache. You can even flat-out admit to just not feeling like it and your male partner will rarely question it.
It’s a lot different with men though. Even here in the 21st century, people are still conditioned to believe that men think about nothing but sex nearly 24/7, so it only makes sense that women raise an eyebrow when a male partner does the seemingly unthinkable and says “no thanks” or “not tonight”. She’s instantly filled with questions. Why doesn’t he want to? Did I do something wrong? Is there someone else? Am I not desirable enough?
The fact of the matter is, it’s a myth that men are always down to do the deed. Even the horniest dude under the sun is going to have days when he’s just not that into it and there could be any number of reasons why. The following are just a few of the most common.
1. He isn’t feeling well
You know how it is when you’re just not at your best, ladies. Whether you’re fighting a migraine or still getting over that nasty head cold you came down with last week, it’s probably hard to picture being in the mood to get down and dirty when you’re just not feeling well.
Men aren’t any different. When he’s got the flu or getting over a cold, he’s going to be way more concerned with things like chills, body aches, or a stuffy nose than he is sex. Fix him a mug of hot tea and save the surprise blow job you had planned for another day.
2. His medication is killing his sex drive
Does your guy struggle with a chronic condition that requires ongoing medication? Has he been sick lately to a degree that called for a doctor’s visit and a prescription? There’s an excellent chance that whatever medication he’s taking right now is doing a number on his libido. Some medications can drastically lower testosterone levels and even lead to erectile dysfunction.
Look into whether or not the drugs he’s been prescribed have been linked to loss of sex drive or other issues. If you do find a connection, try asking him to speak to his doctor about alternatives that might help him get back in the game, so to speak.
3. He’s been putting on weight
Even the best of us occasionally overdoes it a few too many Taco Tuesdays in a row and puts on a couple of extra pounds as a result. However, drastic weight gain or obesity can easily lower testosterone levels and wreak havoc on a man’s sex drive as a result. Obesity can also cause men and women alike to feel too tired or lazy to bother with sex.
If your man’s recently put on a lot of weight, there’s a really good chance he’s not feeling terribly good about himself either. (Women are far from the only people that struggle with body image issues.) He might be embarrassed by how he looks or worry that he isn’t able to perform the way he used to. A frank, heartfelt talk might be in order to get to the bottom of things.
4. He really is tired
These days, people often juggle demanding work schedules with active social calendars or family lives. At times, it’s tough enough to find the energy to get all the way through your to-do list on a given day. Forget mustering the enthusiasm to get sexy at the end of the day!
That said, it’s entirely possible that your guy is literally too tired to get busy if he’s been working long hours or otherwise burning the candle at both ends. Try letting him get the sleep he needs at night and getting frisky in the morning instead when he’s feeling more refreshed.
5. He overdid it on the cocktails
Trust us when we say that the dreaded “whiskey dick” is by no means a myth. A cocktail or a couple of glasses of wine can be great for lowering inhibitions and setting the mood for a nice, steamy night in bed. Too much alcohol, on the other hand, can have the opposite effect. .
Even men that really, really want to have sex might be unable to perform after too long a night at the bar. Plus, if he knows that drinking has that sort of effect on him and he’s bashful about it, he might decide he’d rather avoid sex than outright admit he might have trouble getting it up.
6. He’s in some serious pain
As touched on above, illness or work stress can definitely mean sex is the furthest thing from your man’s mind on a given day. Any man that’s ever thrown his back out or experienced a serious muscle pull at the gym can tell you that pain is even better at killing that sexy mood.
If your man’s super active or tends to be a little bit accident prone, consider the possibility that he might be in some serious pain. Not every man necessarily likes to come right out and admit it, after all.
7. He really is just super into whatever’s on TV right now
While you may think sex sounds a million times more interesting than whatever it is that he’s watching right now, your special guy might not feel the same way. It also has nothing to do with your not being sexy enough. Sometimes a really important football game or a cliffhanger episode of Game of Thrones just really is that riveting… for the moment.
Try waiting until the game is over to get a little frisky… or at least wait until halftime. He’s way more likely to be into an impromptu strip tease or a little quickie action then. Plus, whatever you had planned no doubt deserves his full attention, right?
8. He’s really just not that into you
The great majority of the time, your partner’s lack of interest in sex will have nothing to do with you. However, it’s still worth mentioning that men need to feel physically attracted to their sexual partners to the same extent women do. Were you once strictly a heels and lingerie girl, but now pretty much live in granny panties and sweats? Have you let yourself go a little (or a lot) since getting married or having children? Your man might feel you’re not as interested in staying sexy for him as you once were.
Treat yourself to some sexy new lingerie or a fun, flirty new outfit to wear into the bedroom the next time you’re feeling a little frisky. Have your hair done and doll yourself up the way you used to when you first got together. Remind him (and yourself) that you’re still the sizzling siren he fell in love with. It’s likely to be a welcome change for both of you!
9. Your sex life has gotten a little too routine
It can happen to even the sexiest of us. You find yourself in an awesome long-term relationship with someone you can’t imagine life without. You get comfortable with one another. And you reach a place where you know each other really well. It’s all too easy for sex to become a little too routine and for the spark that once took care of itself to fall by the wayside.
Time to spice things up! Try getting frisky in the morning or getting together for a quickie in the afternoon instead of waiting for bedtime. Try a steamy new position or get busy in a completely new place. And try roleplaying or dirty talk. Explore completely new sensations together by introducing vibrators, anal beads, or other sex toys to the mix. The possibilities are endless! Figure out which ones are most interesting to the two of you and explore them together.
10. He gets busy by himself too often.
Indulging in a little self-service now and again is something pretty much everyone does. It’s also perfectly normal and healthy. However, it is possible to get too much of a good thing in this case. If your guy spends a lot of time watching porn or tends to masturbate excessively, it can definitely have a negative effect on your sex life as a couple after a while. Just as a side-note, here are some genuine tips on improving your sex life!
Let him know that you have absolutely no issue with him self-pleasuring and that you like to do it too from time to time. Then tell him how much you miss his touch and the sizzling sex life you used to have. You can even suggest that the two of you watch porn together sometime or explore a little roleplaying. A little mutual masturbation complete with fun adult toys never hurt anyone either.
Of course, these are just a handful of the many reasons your man may decide he’s just not feeling that into sex on a given day. However, they’re also among the most common and easily addressed. The solution for you could be as simple as employing a little extra time, patience, or creativity in the bedroom.