You already know that pretty much everyone masturbates from time to time. What you might not realize is masturbation doesn’t have to be a quick “hit it and quit it” activity (unless you want it to be). It can also serve as a wonderful way to get to know your body better and discover exactly how you need to be touched in order to reach orgasm more consistently. Solo sexy time can be a beautiful, indulgent way to spoil yourself as well.
In other words, if you’ve never tried mindful masturbation on for size, it’s high time you gave it a try. Here we’ll go over everything you need to know to elevate your solo sessions and get more out of them. After all, quality self-love is really too good to miss out on.
1. Focus on exploration, as opposed to orgasm
If you’re like most people, orgasm is almost always the entire reason you masturbate in the first place, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. Masturbation can also be an incredibly effective way for a woman to get to know her body and develop a thorough understanding of what feels good and gets her off.
The next time you masturbate, try shifting your focus from simply having an orgasm as quickly as possible to exploring your body and making yourself feel good. Allow for plenty of time to draw things out as long as possible. You might even want to experiment with edging – getting yourself super close to orgasm, backing off before you reach the point of no return, and then repeating the process until you can’t take it anymore. When you finally do have one, your orgasm will absolutely blow your mind.
2. Take the time to create a mood
When you’re anticipating an especially romantic tryst with a beloved partner or a new lover, you naturally want everything to be just right. You put extra care into choosing the perfect lighting, music, candles, bedding, and room fragrance because you know what a difference the right ambiance can make. Consider putting the same care and planning into your next solo session and seeing what happens.
Pick out a sensual playlist on your favorite streaming service or fill one of your own with favorite tunes that make you feel especially sexy. Light some candles, turn down the lights, and slip into a negligee that puts you in the mood for pleasure. You might even want to treat yourself to a luxurious scented lube or a new sex toy to take for a spin.
3. Make sure you’ll have absolute privacy
Speaking of setting the right mood, you’ll definitely want to pick a time and place to masturbate that will eliminate the possibility of interruption. Nothing ruins a great solo session quite like worrying that your roommate will overhear you if you get vocal or nursing a nagging fear that your child might walk in on you unannounced.
For best results, shoot for at least 30 minutes of unencumbered alone time. That will give you plenty of opportunity to really get into the experience and enjoy it to the utmost. You’ve definitely earned it!
4. Get organized in advance
Once you’re really revved up and ready to rock, you won’t want to ruin the mood by hunting around for your sexy time essentials. In addition to setting a pleasant mood, make sure you gather, prepare, and organize all your favorite toys and masturbation aids ahead of time. Think items like wipes, towels, and your favorite vibrator!
Make sure your toys are cleaned, disinfected, and ready to go beforehand. If you don’t already use a lube, now would be a great time to start. Even if you don’t normally need much help in the lubrication department, the right product can take a solo session from good to great in an instant. There’s a multitude of different fragrances, viscosities, and lube styles to try as well. Just make sure whatever you choose is safe for use with any sex toys you’ll be using.
5. Allow yourself plenty of time and space to transition
Sometimes getting in the right frame of mind for a great solo session is easier imagined than accomplished. If that’s the case for you, consider helping yourself make the transition by engaging in a little meditation or low-key exercise (e.g. yoga or Pilates) first. Alternatively, you can try a bubble bath or warm shower. You’ll be more present in the moment, not to mention significantly more limber and relaxed.
You may also want to consider forgoing porn in favor of something more mentally stimulating – like fantasy. Taking the time to start your solo session by lying still and letting your mind wander into fantasy territory gives you a chance to notice what’s actually turning you on as you become aroused. Remember, part of the goal of a great self-service session is to get in touch with what you truly like and fantasizing is a great way to do that.
6. Explore erogenous zones you normally overlook
When you’re finally ready to rock, avoid going straight for your genitals the way you normally do. Instead, start by mindfully exploring sensitive areas that don’t usually get much attention when you’re flying solo. Think breasts, nipples, inner thighs, or stomach. Experiment with different types of touch and stimulation as well. For instance, if you’re used to stroking, rubbing, and massaging, you can try gentle tugging or pinching instead.
In addition to experimenting with touch, you should make it a point to explore with toys as well. If you don’t already have one, consider investing in a vibrator that’s designed with versatility in mind, like a vibrating bullet or a multi-use body vibrator made to hug all of your body’s sensitive curves. Warming and cooling lubes can be fun ways to experiment with unfamiliar sensations as well.
7. Experiment with different types of orgasm
Contrary to popular belief, orgasms aren’t all alike. They actually come in many different varieties, especially for women. Each is unique in the way it makes you feel, so it’s well worth your while to experiment with different ways to make yourself come at some point. Make sure you at least consider chasing each of the following:
- Clitoral Orgasm: Clitoral orgasms as the easiest for the average woman to achieve because of how rich in nerve endings the clit is, so if you’ve never had an orgasm before (or tend to have trouble), start here. In addition to massaging the head of your clitoris, try stroking it through its hood, using a vibrator on it, or experimenting with different types of lube. Take the time to stroke your labia and the area around your clit as well.
- Vaginal Orgasm: Most women find they pretty much always need direct clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm, but there’s certainly no harm in trying for one of these regardless. What you’re looking to target here is the sensitive (and often overlooked) G-spot. You can experiment with just your fingers and your favorite lube, of course, but sex toys like G-spot vibrators or stimulators can take some of the guesswork out of achieving a vaginal orgasm.
- Anal Orgasm: Contrary to popular belief, men aren’t the only sexual beings that can potentially orgasm via anal stimulation. It’s absolutely possible to stimulate a woman’s G-spot through the rectal wall and it’s definitely something fun to try for. Just make sure you use plenty of thick, long-lasting lube for anal play of any kind to ensure a painless, pleasurable experience all around.
- Blended Orgasm: Most women that have experienced a variety of different orgasm types say blended orgasms are by far the most powerful and with good reason. Also known as combination orgasms, blended orgasms intensify pleasure by activating multiple sweet spots at the same time. For instance, rabbit vibes or combination vibrators are great ways to stimulate the G-spot, the clit, and the vulva all at once.
Definitely take your time and play around until you’ve discovered what works for you. Try different toys, speeds, vibration settings, and positions. Don’t be afraid to share what you’ve learned with your spouse or play partner in the future as well!
8. Take time to reflect when you’re done
Whether you simply spent your solo time exploring your body or decided to go for a big O or two after all, don’t just go right back to your day immediately after you’re done playing. Take a little time to reflect on everything you just enjoyed first. (It doesn’t have to be a long time. Even a minute or two is effective.)
Think about how intense your orgasm was and recall which sensations you liked best. Reflect on what you fantasized about as you masturbated to make the experience even more intense. Take special note of anything that was especially erotic so you can put it to good use in the future. If you feel moved to, you can even go for a second pleasure session. It’s all up to you!
