Even if you have a healthy attitude about self-pleasure and are with a partner who understands that masturbating is normal – for people in relationships as well as singles – it can still be mortifying to get caught. After all, a person’s solo time is a private thing, so it can be jarring to be walked in on without warning.
And it’s natural to worry that your partner might be hurt, offended, or somehow think the fact that you were masturbating at all is a judgment on them. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. Here are a few tips for recovering like a pro, as well as some suggestions on what to do next.
What to Do When You’re Caught Masturbating
First of all, it’s imperative that you understand you weren’t doing anything wrong. Masturbating is natural, normal, and healthy – even when you’re in a happy, healthy, sexually connected relationship. It’s also a big part of simply being human, so know that you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Now for some tips on how to recover quickly when you’ve just been caught with your pants down.
Ask them to give you your privacy
The shame you experience when you’re caught masturbating is likely the result of years of social conditioning and social norms learned in childhood. People instinctively feel shame when they’re caught doing things that are wrong.
Again, masturbation isn’t wrong. But for many people, it is private, like using the toilet. So, it may make sense to respond similarly to the way you would if you were walked in on while using the bathroom. Calmly ask for your privacy and finish up.
Ask them to join in
Partners walking in on one another when masturbating doesn’t have to be embarrassing. For many people, it’s a bit of a turn-on, so don’t be afraid to invite your partner to come on over and join in.
You can invite them to watch you as you continue, ask them to touch themselves along with you, or transition the whole scenario into full-on sex play. It’s totally up to you how to proceed and may depend on what you know your partner likes or finds sexy.
If necessary, talk things out
Of course, not everyone has the presence of mind or confidence to opt for one of the above reactions to getting caught masturbating – especially if it’s the first time it’s happened. And sometimes, you do wind up with the impression that your partner is upset by what happened.
In that case, it’s best to sit down together and talk things out. Assure your partner that your solo time has nothing to do with their sexual performance or otherwise not feeling satisfied in bed. Listen to any concerns they have, address them with love, and talk about ways to move forward together.
What to Do Next
Like many things in life, there are upsides to having a partner catch you masturbating. Part of the reason it’s so potentially embarrassing in the first place is that it’s not usually the norm for people to talk much about it.
But relationships are much better when couples talk about sexual topics openly – masturbating included. So here are some suggestions for facilitating a more open, communicative relationship in this regard.
Discuss the details
Knowing more about how a partner likes to masturbate can be helpful when it comes to the sex life you share. So why not engage in some real talk about what you each like to do when it’s solo time? Take turns trading juicy details, and don’t be afraid to let the conversation transition into a discussion about turn-ons, things you’d like to try, etc.
For example, does your partner like to use toys to masturbate? Do you? If you’re open to the idea, consider treating each other to some sexy demonstrations. Involving each other in your masturbation routines in this way can really help eliminate any feelings of insecurity or hurt.
Explore mutual masturbation
It goes without saying that masturbation is great when enjoyed on one’s own. But masturbation can also be a great activity to explore with a partner. Try touching yourselves together as part of foreplay or even as the main event sometime.
Or you can touch each other, use toys on one another, and just about anything else you can imagine. Masturbation is a pleasurable, sexy way to innovate in the bedroom and ensure you each genuinely know how the other likes to be touched.
In other words, getting caught masturbating doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Instead, it can be a catalyst for fruitful sexual discussion and new levels of intimacy between you and your partner. So don’t be afraid to explore the possibilities. You’ll both be glad you did.
