Although no one really likes thinking about their sex life and their parents within the same context, it’s important to understand that there’s a connection there for everyone. How your parents raised you and how the topic of sex was treated in your home growing up ultimately do affect the relationship you’ll have with sex later in life.
It’s not just about how your mom or dad handled it when it was time to sit you down to hear about the birds and the bees, either. Factors like turn-ons, ideas about what’s appropriate, and more are all learned at some point along the way.
If you were lucky enough to grow up in a sex-positive household, you can likely thank your parents for the healthy, open attitude you now have about sex as an adult. But if you’re still dealing with sexual hang-ups that likely started in childhood, not only are you not alone, but it’s possible to overcome them. Here are some tips to consider.
1. Consider when your hang-ups started
The first step to overcoming any sort of obstacle in life is to figure out when the issue first started and make your peace with it. This is no less the case with sexual issues rooted in childhood than it is with anything else.
Sex is a normal, healthy part of any adult life. But you may not see it that way if you were taught as a child that sex is bad or that wanting to do it is something to be ashamed of. Many people can even trace sexual hang-ups back to specific experiences or moments they had as children. Making a conscious effort to process those experiences can help a great deal.
2. Get to know yourself better
Many people who have spent most of their lives trying to overcome sexual hang-ups don’t masturbate much. Or if they do, they tend to be secretive about the fact that they do it, and many feel a lot of shame over the fact that they do it at all. They’ve never really embraced masturbation as an opportunity to be good to themselves and get to know their bodies better.
If that’s the case for you, too, it’s officially time to give that a try. Start setting aside chunks of time when you’ll have the privacy and freedom to explore your body without interruption. Focus less on simply having an orgasm as quickly as possible. Instead, give yourself permission to touch and stimulate your entire body to see how you really respond to pleasure.
Make a note of any observations that come to mind. And be kind to yourself in the knowledge that there are no right or wrong answers. How do you feel when you try certain things or think of certain scenarios? What acts and sensations do you absolutely love, and which really don’t do it for you? It’s okay to acknowledge both turn-ons and turn-offs.
3. Talk things over with your partner
If you’re currently in a relationship or otherwise have a sex partner, it’s a good idea to bring them on board with what you’re trying to accomplish. Naturally, this could be intimidating – especially if you’re not used to talk openly and freely about sex – but it’s a really important step to take if you’re serious about eventually overcoming any sexual hang-ups you might have. Open, honest, loving communication is the key to learning to see sex the way every person deserves to – as a natural, perfectly healthy way to connect with oneself or a partner.
Don’t worry about opening the conversation in some perfect way. This is your partner, so it’s okay to simply tell them you’re nervous, explain that you’re trying to overcome some things, and ask for their compassionate assistance in helping you get there. This may even come as welcome news to them, as they’d likely enjoy a chance to make your sex life better, too.
4. Take the next steps
Once you’ve cleared the air with both yourself and your partner (if you have one), it’s time to take the next steps. For some people, that may mean talking things out further with a professional, such as a relationship counselor or a sex therapist. Professionals can definitely be helpful in finding a new center and embracing a new way of thinking about sex.
However, other people may prefer to simply move forward by continuing to explore under their own power. For couples and individuals alike, this can mean experimenting with new positions, sex acts, and ideas. A good adult toy or two can be very helpful in this regard, as well, as toys are terrific ways to experiment with different sensations and test limits.
Overcoming sexual hang-ups you’ve had for a long time isn’t something that’s going to happen overnight. It will take time and patience, too, but it’s absolutely doable if you stick with it. Get started today!
