Although everyone probably daydreams about having a picture-perfect sex life at some point, it’s extremely rare for that to ever happen. And even when it does happen, it’s typically something that’s only there for a second before disappearing again.
The fact of the matter is that sex is complicated, and so are relationships. Every couple is bound to hit a few sexual speed bumps at some point. Not only is that completely normal, but there are some sexual truths that are so universal that everyone should probably learn to accept them sooner or later. Here are some prime examples.
1. Relationships don’t need to revolve around sex
You hear a lot about what an essential part of a relationship sex is. People worry about what it means if they’re not having enough of it and agonize over how to make sure their sex life stays spicy, exciting, and active. But the truth is sex may never be your relationship’s strongest point, and that’s okay.
People’s sex drives can change drastically and often over the course of their lives. There will be times when you and your partner aren’t entirely on the same page sexually. You’ll both likely experience changing tastes, desires, and curiosities. And if sex is an aspect of your relationship that really clicks, that’s wonderful. But it doesn’t have to be the be-all and end-all of your lives together.
2. Your ideal partner’s sexual history may be different from yours
If you personally haven’t had many sexual partners, it can be hard to get your head around the fact that your partner has. The same goes for any other way a partner’s sexual past might differ wildly from yours. Maybe they’ve experimented with non-monogamy or even group sex in the past. Or they could have a kink you’re not used to.
None of these things necessarily make that person a bad match for you, especially if their current take on sex is super compatible with your own. Plus, you never know when someone could introduce you to something completely different that you’d really like. No, you should never feel pressured into doing anything that makes you legitimately uncomfortable. But sometimes, it’s worth stepping outside the box just to see if you like the view.
3. Relationships sometimes call for sexual adaptation
While it’s terrific to meet someone who’s either into all the same things you are or open-minded enough to be up for anything, that’s not typical of all relationships. In reality, hitting your sexual stride as a couple often demands a lot of compromise. Many people have sexual traumas they’re dealing with or firm boundaries that they’re not comfortable crossing under any circumstances.
That said, you’ll likely have to balance your own needs and desires with your partner’s personal comfort levels. Talking through your sexual limits, needs, and preferences early on in a relationship is a good idea to make sure you’ll be able to find common ground. So is maintaining a healthy solo sex life. Options like porn, sex toys, self-love, and pet fantasies can be a surprisingly satisfying way to bridge the gap between your fantasies and your sex life with your partner.
4. Not everyone gets to bring their kink into their relationship
Just as people worry there’s something wrong with their relationship if they’re not getting it on like rabbits every single day, they also tend to feel the right partner for them will be 100 percent down with their pet kink or fetish. Kinks, fetishes, and fantasies are personal and often require the other person to take some big steps outside their comfort zone.
Not everyone is up for that. And even if your partner is open to trying a few new things, there’s always the chance that your personal kink is a no-go. People with bondage fetishes can wind up with claustrophobic partners, anal play lovers can find themselves with someone who’s really turned off by backdoor play, etc. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re incompatible.
No one should ever be made to feel they’re required to participate in something in bed that makes them genuinely uneasy. But no one with a kink or pet fantasy should ever be made to feel like they’re bad or wrong for having it. They shouldn’t be prevented from exploring it on their own through safe outlets like porn or masturbation, either.
Ultimately, finding some sexual common ground with your partner is important. But there are lots of different ways to do that, and there’s a definite learning curve involved for most people. Plus, there are many other aspects of your lives together to connect over. What matters most is that you and your partner are comfortable with the role sex plays in your relationship. No one else’s opinion matters.
