There are two kinds of people in the world. The first kind is convinced sex is like pizza – that even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. The second kind realizes how woefully untrue that is because they know what it’s like to be sexually incompatible with someone they’re seeing. It’s not a good time, but it’s something that can happen even when you genuinely get along great with the person in every other way.
But how can you tell for sure whether the sex is as bad as you think? If you do discover you’re sexually incompatible with a partner, what should you do about it? Is there a way to fix the issue, or is it better to simply cut your losses and walk away? Here’s a closer look at what you need to consider to make an informed decision.
You’re bothered by their sexual tastes.
Human beings are all over the board when it comes to what they enjoy in bed. Some people are super-vanilla and aren’t interested in anything the least little bit kinky. Others love group sex, heavy BDSM, and frequent trips to sex clubs. Still more people are somewhere in the middle. For every single person out there, who can’t imagine life without something specific, though, there’s another one who’s completely turned off by that same thing.
How do you feel when it comes to your partner’s sexual preferences in bed? Do they bother you or disgust you? Do they bore you and leave you completely uninterested? Is their approach something you can learn to compromise with, or are there just too many deal breakers?
Everything feels off between you.
Every couple has off days where things aren’t quite synching up the way they usually do, but it’s not supposed to feel that way all the time. When two people are sexually incompatible, it rarely to never feels like anything is working. Not only is your sexual rhythm off when the two of you get to the action, but even the kisses and caresses leading up to it aren’t quite right.
Sometimes it just takes a while for a couple to hit their sexual stride together, especially when they first start dating. Things should slowly begin to improve with practice and communication, though. If that’s not happening, you may not be compatible in bed.
You have trouble feeling attracted to your partner.
Again, every couple goes through periods where they’re just not getting it on that often. Life gets in the way, schedules get hectic, and people deal with health issues. Sometimes dry spells or rough patches can last so long, people wonder whether their sex drive is gone for good. There’s a big difference between that and not feeling attracted to your partner at all, though.
Are these feelings of non-attraction new or have they always been there? Do you have trouble feeling turned on by your partner’s body, even if they seem to be precisely what you’re into? Is it harder than usual to orgasm when you’re with them, even when they seem to be doing everything right? Do you frequently find yourself thinking back wistfully on old relationships, wishing your current partner were more like your past ones? That’s a good sign you’re just not that into them.
Things feel super awkward afterward.
When things are working the way they should with someone you’re having sex with, there should be an easy comfort between you when you’ve just finished having sex. You don’t necessarily have to feel like shouting your satisfaction with what just happened from the rooftops, but things shouldn’t be awkward between the two of you.
Again, everyone’s different. Some people are just shy and quiet by nature. However, there’s a big difference between an easy, comfortable silence after sex and an awkward one. If you’re honestly dealing with the latter, you don’t need to ask whether that’s the case. You already know.
So, is there a fix for this?
Whether or not you should call it quits with your partner over bad sex depends entirely on how you feel about the relationship overall. If you feel disconnected from your partner outside of the bedroom as well, it might be time for the two of you to go your separate ways. If you’re genuinely into each other and your problems are strictly limited to the bedroom, though, it might be worth working on things.
Sit your partner down and talk things out. Settle on some possible solutions that could potentially work for both of you (e.g., sex toys, roleplaying, or even sex therapy.) Be patient with one another while you attempt to work things out together. It could be the two of you simply need time to build and nurture your sexual compatibility.
