Dirty talk – it sounds so hot when you hear people do it in the movies or when your friends talk about how much it adds to their sex life. Thinking it would be great if you were fearless enough to follow suit is one thing, though. Mustering the courage to start is another. What if you say the wrong things? What if all those sexy, dirty things just don’t sound right coming out of your mouth? Or worse, what if your partner laughs or gets offended instead of getting turned on?
The good news is that even the sultriest dirty talk expert had to start somewhere, and it was probably with asking questions just like those. You can make the transition, too. The following tips and techniques can help you get things moving in the right direction.
Talk things out with your partner.
If you’re in a relationship or otherwise have someone in your life with whom you have sex regularly, a simple conversation is the best place to start. You won’t have to wonder whether your partner will dig your efforts if you try to find out for sure first.
Do they even like dirty talk in the first place? Many people do, but it makes some uncomfortable. Others could happily go either way. Also, it’s worth noting that dirty talk comes in lots of different forms. Find out what types of things they’d be into hearing you say and use what they tell you as a guide in the future.
Don’t confuse porn with reality.
The big mistake everybody makes when looking to branch out in the bedroom is trying too hard to emulate what they see in their favorite porn clips. Porn is great for fueling your fantasies. It can be pretty inspiring, as well. Just don’t take it for granted that this is how the average couple talks when they’re alone in bed together.
The best approach, especially in the beginning, is to do you. These are your words, so you must be comfortable saying them. Start by saying simple things – single words or short phrases. Verbalize how good you feel because of what your partner is doing. Then take it from there.
Think of dirty talk as a spice for your sex life.
You’re jazzing things up in the bedroom, not giving a presentation at work. You don’t need to keep up a constant stream of naughty conversation the entire time you’re in bed with your partner. You don’t necessarily need to add it to the mix every time you have sex, either, or do it the same way every time. Keep things fresh, and be creative.
Think of naughty talk as a seasoning for your intimate encounters. Herbs and spices enhance a dish best when you add them here and there as needed or desired. Remember that dirty talk can be used similarly.
Think outside the bedroom.
You don’t have to be in the thick of full-blown intercourse for dirty talk to be a good idea. It’s always a good time to get a little naughty, so don’t be afraid to look for exciting opportunities to give it a try in a new context. For instance, you can try a little low-key dirty talk during foreplay to help get things going.
Keep in mind that foreplay doesn’t have to start when you’re in bed together, warming up for one another. Surprising your partner with a dirty text or two during their workday is a great way to set the tone for a little after-hours play later on. It’s also a great way to get comfortable with it if you’re shy or still getting the hang of things.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Communicating with your partner isn’t just something to do before you get down to business with dirty talk. Even when new additions to your bedroom routine come easily to both of you, there’s still likely a learning curve involved. You’re going to discover words that really turn your partner on and possibly some that do the opposite.
Never jump to conclusions about a reaction to something you did or said in bed. Check in with one another after you’re done, so you know for sure. If anything was said that didn’t gel well, talk things out. Be sure to tell each other what got your engines going, as well. As with anything sexual, full consent is essential, so you want to make sure both of you are on board with everything that’s going on.
If you and your partner do decide that dirty talk is totally for you, that’s great, but don’t sweat it if it turns out not to be your jam. This is your sex life, and it’s up to you to make it everything you want it to be and nothing you don’t.
