Every marriage comes alongside with its share of complaints sooner or later, but some are a lot more common than others. A lack of sex is perhaps the most common. In some cases, there are legitimate reasons a couple might not be having sex – illness or injury, for example. However, more often it’s the cumulative result of over-hectic lifestyles, ongoing stress, or a gradual drifting apart over time.
While sex isn’t everything in a relationship, it’s critical that couples realize it’s far from unimportant. A marriage without sex is a marriage that’s vulnerable to temptation, as the human sex drive is incredibly powerful. It’s vulnerable to alienation and eventual estrangement as well if the situation isn’t corrected. That said, it’s important to make sure your sex life stays mutually fulfilling for both of you.
Understanding How to Create a Happy and Healthy Marriage
The benefits of settled partnership are what we long for. They’re why we get into long-term, committed relationships in the first place and they’re what inspire us to try again in the future if a given partnership doesn’t work out. However, you won’t reap those benefits if you don’t really understand how healthy partnerships are created. Here’s how you can make sure your marriage is on the right track.
Cultivate a habit of talking openly, honestly, and frequently with one another. Make sure you’re talking about everything even if it’s difficult. Examples include your mutual appreciation of one another, your disappointments, your hopes, your fears, your frustrations, and – of course – sex.
Happy, successful couples know how to work together as a team and trust that they’ll be able to conquer whatever life throws at them together. Make sure you’re true partners in every sense of the word. It’s not about worrying who’s right or wrong. It’s about tackling problems together head on.
Once you’ve established a connection, don’t simply assume it will take care of itself. Keep that connection alive and growing through continued communication, affection, understanding, and concern for one another, both in and out of the bedroom.
Life’s a lot easier when you can laugh and smile, even in the face of adversity. Always give one another the benefit of the doubt and put your care for one another first. Most importantly of all, make sure you’re laughing together and enjoying life together.
Sex can be a great indicator of where you are when it comes to all of the above points. When sex is waning, infrequent, or completely non-existent, trying some new things can be the key to getting back on track.
Not every sexual encounter needs to be lengthy and involved. Sometimes a hot and heavy quickie is just what the doctor ordered. Try fitting a quickie in right before you rush out the door to meet friends for dinner. Surprise your partner with oral sex before you leave for work in the morning. Bring each other to orgasm with your hands or even kinky toys when it’s least expected – like at the drive-in or while in the car.
The thrill that comes alongside having sex when (and sometimes where) you’re really not supposed to can’t be denied. This is the case whether you’re getting it on in your childhood bedroom while visiting your folks over the holidays or enjoying a quick rendezvous at the office while no one else is around. Whatever way you slice it, a little sneaking around can be a fantastic way to reignite that spark and help you and your partner reconnect.
Of course, there’s also something to be said for romantic lovemaking that goes the entire nine yards. When was the last time the two of you enjoyed some intimate conversation over a candlelit dinner? When was the last time you got all dressed up for your anniversary or had an all-nighter when it comes to sex? If it’s been a while, consider scheduling a night like that, especially if you have a special occasion coming up.
Sex can be about so much more than simply scratching that itch when the need arises. For connected couples, sex can also serve as a form of comfort and with good reason. It’s relaxing, pleasurable, and can really help you decompress. That said, consider using sex as a stress reliever or comfort move the next time one of you is sad, stressed, or simply needs reassurance for one reason or another. Include declarations of love and affection as well if you’re so inclined.
Everyone has fantasies that they entertain when it comes to their sex life and it’s unlikely that you or your partner are exceptions. If your sex life has been lacking lately, now might be a great time to visit some of those together. Take turns sharing your fantasies. Don’t just stick to the tame ones or the ones you think are the most acceptable. Include the silly ones, the forbidden ones like fetish and BDSM, and the stereotypical ones as well. Then act them out together. Coming up with new fantasies to explore together is never a bad idea either.
Remember back when the two of you were first dating and couldn’t wait to get home so you could tear each other’s clothes off? Remember when you used to bring each other flowers or arrange little surprises for no reason at all? What about when the two of you were so in love, you couldn’t help but declare your passion over and over again? Sex can help you recapture and relive a little bit of that feeling, as well as mentally re-associate it with your partner.
Try reliving some of your favorite moments from the past and reenacting some of the things you used to do. Revisit favorite places. Experiment and explore one another the way you did in the early days, perhaps with the help of sex toys, roleplay, or sexy apparel. You just may surprise yourself when you realize that past version of yourselves as a couple isn’t as far removed as you may think it is sometimes. Explore the possibilities today!