If you’re like most people, the mere thought of sex probably invokes an entire parade of different emotions. Sex is exciting and invigorating, especially when exciting new sex toys are introduced. It can enhance feelings of love, connectedness, and wellbeing. However, it can also be disappointing, anxiety-inducing, or frustrating under the wrong circumstances.
We’re all sure we want to have fulfilling, active, energetic sex lives. What we aren’t as sure of is how we should go about getting them. Here we’ll take a closer look at some of the best ways to make sure your sex life is everything you want it to be, both for you and for your partner.
Communication, Communication, Communication
You’ve heard it said before. “Communication is the key to a good relationship.” This is just as much the case when it comes to sex as it is anything else. However, many people find it awkward or difficult to actually talk about sex with their partner, especially when things aren’t going well. Here’s how to get started.
Choose the right time
Timing can make all the difference when it comes to initiating a discussion about sex. In the bedroom, while you’re in the middle of sex is a great place and time to tell your partner something feels good or request something special. Neutral settings are better choices for tougher talks about topics like problems reaching orgasm, mismatched libidos, and so forth.
Nix the criticism
No one likes to feel criticized or judged by their partner, especially when it comes to sexual performance. Always make suggestions from a positive place. Tell your partner you really like it when they touch you a certain way, for instance. Bigger issues should be approached as a team. Never assign blame or belittle in regards to either your partner or yourself.
Always be honest
Dishonesty has no place in a relationship that’s supposed to be all about trust. This is just as much the case in the bedroom as it is anywhere else. Don’t fake orgasms ever, even if you’re doing it to protect your partner’s feelings. Instead, help your partner learn how you like to be touched and always, always be honest about what you do and don’t like to avoid eventual resentment and hurt on either side.
Address the Issues
We’re living in truly wonderful times, meaning there are more ways to address sex problems out there than ever before. These include sex therapy, amazing medications, and groundbreaking treatments. Even so, there’s a lot you and your partner can start doing right now at home to improve matters for the both of you.
There’s a wealth of self-help material out there in regards to just about every sexual issue you can think of. Find options that could be helpful to you by browsing the web or checking out the resources at your favorite bookstore. The more informed you are about whatever might be going on, the better equipped you’ll be to address it.
Go easy on yourself
Understand that some loss of libido and change in body response is normal as you grow older. Make sure you’re allowing yourself and your partner enough time and space to become aroused and reach orgasm. Consider it a golden opportunity to add new options to the mix like lube or sex toys.
Remain physically affectionate
It’s vitally important not to underestimate the importance of maintaining physical affection. Understand that connection doesn’t always have to take the form of sex. Make it a point to cuddle, kiss, hug, and touch each other with affection no matter what else may or may not be happening in the bedroom at a given time.
Experiment a little
Variety is the spice of life. It’s also a great concept to turn to when it comes to improving your sex life. Work on developing a repertoire of different positions and acts you like to perform together. Consider enlisting the aid of a vibrator to help you and your partner discover various ways you like to be stimulated. Write down your fantasies. Then take turns discussing and exploring them with one another.
Stay in Good Health
You don’t want to forget that the quality of your sex life is directly connected to your mental, emotional, and physical health. For that reason, you’ll definitely want to pay attention to the following.
Bad eating habits can easily lead to obesity, high cholesterol, and a host of other problems. These in turn, can lead to poor body image, lethargy, and so forth. Not a great combination when you’re trying to feel sexier! A poor diet can also directly affect your libido.
Smoking isn’t just bad for your lungs. It can also affect blood flow to the vagina, clitoris, or penis which interferes with sex for obvious reasons. That said, you have every reason in the world to quit smoking.
Use alcohol wisely
Alcohol abuse can similarly lead to or exacerbate sex problems. Having one or two drinks to relax can help with anxiety or relaxation. However, too many drinks can dull central nervous system response and inhibit healthy sexual reflexes.
Embrace Kegel exercises
Kegels are a great way for both men and women strengthen their pelvic floor muscles and enhance their sex lives. To do a Kegel, tighten these muscles the same way you would if you were trying to stop your urine stream while on the toilet. Hold for a couple of seconds. Repeat ten times. Shoot for five sets like this a day.
Most importantly of all, always keep in mind that sex is supposed to be expressive, sensual, and – most of all – fun. Think back to the days when sex with your partner seemed to take care of itself. You were creative. You were playful, adventurous, and romantic.
That said, the best way to get back into the swing of things is to embrace that side of your relationship again. Leave love notes or send sexy texts throughout the day. Read each other love poetry, be spontaneous, and light those candles. Do whatever floats your (and your partner’s) boat! You’ll be having better, more fulfilling sex before you know it.