Whether you’re married, in a relationship, or perfectly happy being a free agent for now, one thing’s for certain. You deserve to be having incredible, satisfying, toe-curling sex. It’s not just because great sex is good for the soul either (even though it totally is). Sex is an important part of keeping a relationship happy and healthy as well.
To begin with, the quality of your sex life can tell you a lot about how you and a partner are truly getting along beneath the surface. Also, sex is an important part of how you bond with that someone special. If things aren’t going well in that department, it’s not uncommon for communication to break down and for couples to grow apart. That said, if your sex life is disappointing, you naturally want it to be better and if it’s already great, you want to know how to troubleshoot problems before they start. The following tips can help you do exactly that.
If something’s off, talk about it
If the current state of your sex life leaves something to be desired, try to put your finger on why that’s the case. Maybe you’re frustrated with your partner because they’re not giving you what you need in order to feel satisfied or perhaps you’re having trouble telling them what you really want in the first place. Whatever the case may be, it’s time to talk it out. Before you can revamp your sex life and make it awesome, you need to figure out what’s not really working in the first place.
Put together a plan on how to make things better
Once you’ve identified the problem, it’s time to figure out a game plan for fixing it. If one of you is having trouble reaching orgasm, maybe more foreplay or the addition of a sex toy might help. As for that sexual rut, maybe it’s time to put together a sexual bucket list of fun new things to try together going forward. Maybe the sex you’re having is actually awesome, but you don’t have enough of it. Coordinating your schedules better might help. Take turns making suggestions until you’ve come to an agreement on how you’ll go about bringing those fireworks back and then put your plan into action.
Keep the lines of communication wide open
If you’re like most people, you’re not always in the mood for the exact same thing every single time you have sex. Sometimes you want it rough and kinky, but other times you’re in the mood for tender and loving. Then there are those times you’re just in the mood for a little oral or mutual masturbation. If you’re craving something in particular, speak up. You can even ask for it in a way that feels sexy or naughty if you like. Keep communicating during sex so that your partner knows they’re on the right track. Dirty talk is a great way to do this, but moaning or asking outright works as well.
Perfect your skills one at a time
Sex is a skill, meaning it’s more than possible to become an expert at it with a little time, practice, and willingness to learn. However, you have to start somewhere, so take things one step at a time. For instance, if you know your partner loves nothing more than a really good blow job but your oral skills could use a little improvement, start there. Take the time to learn what your partner likes when you’re going down on them and master it. Then move on to the next thing, and the next, and the next. (And of course, they should be working on getting better at things they know you like in bed as well.)
Explore your fantasies together
If you’re open to the possibilities, fantasies can be powerful tools for deepening your sexual relationship and making your love play more satisfying than it’s ever been. Consider having a “no judgment” discussion with your partner about each person’s pet fantasies. Then compile a list of options that you’d both be willing to try together. Be sure to keep an open mind! You never know when you might discover you really like something you’d never seriously considered doing before.
Spend more time flying solo
Masturbation isn’t just a great way to relieve tension and ease any sexual frustration you might be feeling. Solo sessions actually make you better at the real thing on a number of levels. To begin with, masturbating is the best, most effective way to figure out how your body needs to be touched in order to reach orgasm consistently. Once you know something feels good to you, you can effectively communicate it to your partner. Plus, frequent masturbation raises your libido, so logging more solo time is a great way to ensure you’re in the mood to tango with your partner a lot more often.
Keep asking for what you want
Remember, your partner isn’t psychic. If you want something but refuse to ask for it, it’s highly likely that you’ll never get it and sex is really too important to leave up to chance. Do you want your partner to go harder or faster? Are you just aching to switch positions and get on top? Have you been yearning to hand your favorite vibrator over to your partner and have them use it on you? Ask for it. Remember, your partner cares about you and wants to turn you on, so they’ll probably jump at the chance to please you.
Be willing to give as much as you get
Great sex is a two-way street and requires two partners that are completely satisfied with their intimate relationship, so it’s important to approach it that way. Yes, you’re definitely entitled to great oral that totally rocks your world and intercourse that truly satisfies you on every level, but so is your partner. Getting the best sex of your life means giving your partner the best sex of theirs. When it comes to sex with a trusted partner, giving more pretty much always leads to getting more anyway. Try it and see for yourself.
Make sure you’re also connecting outside the bedroom
When you’re married or in a relationship, the quality of your overall connection really matters. If you’re not connecting emotionally outside of the bedroom, it only stands to reason that you wouldn’t be clicking sexually either. Make sure you’re leaving enough room in your schedules for quality time spent together as a couple without kids, family, or friends along for the ride. Try scheduling weekly date nights to do something both of you enjoy. Make sure you’re spending at least a little time alone together each day as well. What you do together is up to you and it doesn’t necessarily have to be sex. It just has to be positive, rejuvenating, and frequent. You’ll love what it does for your sex life.
Start a toy collection
Whether you’ve used sex toys together before or not, it’s important not to underestimate what a valuable tool a naughty toy chest can be when it comes to keeping sex fresh and satisfying. An option like a vibrator can be fantastic for ensuring both partners leave the experience fully satisfied. Toys can be a wonderful way to introduce new sensations to the mix or explore new territory as well. There are even phenomenal couple’s sex toys out there on the market that are designed to heighten sexual pleasure for both partners (e.g. vibrating cock rings, couple’s vibrators, or warming/cooling lubes). Shop and explore to your heart’s content!
Experiment with new positions and locations
It’s normal for couples to develop a routine when it comes to how and where they have sex. Once you figure out what works for both of you, you tend to stick with it, but doing the same thing over and over again also leads you straight into a sexual rut eventually. Keep things fresh and creative by trying out a new position every so often – yes, even the ones that seem challenging at first. You never know when something will turn out to feel positively phenomenal. Switch up where you have sex as well. Do it in different rooms of the house, on different pieces of furniture, or even in public if you’re both game.
Keep things fun
No matter what, always remember that sex can be many things. It can be sweet and romantic or dirty and kinky. It can be rough or tender, quick or lingering. However, it should always be fun. Keeping things light, sassy, fun, and flirty no matter how satisfying a given session is or isn’t is the best way to keep your sex life positive for both of you. The more fun it is, the more you’ll want to do it and the better it will eventually become. Try it and see!