If you’ve been lucky enough to meet someone you just can’t imagine your life without, you know it’s a wonderful thing. However, even the most blissful, symbiotic ones can take some work. Sooner or later, that work will include a little effort in the bedroom when it comes to spicing things up.
You don’t have to wait until things start feeling stale to get started. You can inject new life and white-hot energy into your bedroom repertoire any time. Consider the following tips food for thought, incorporate them into your routine, and simply enjoy what happens next.
Switching Up the Power Dynamics
If you and your partner are like a lot of couples, one of you probably takes the lead more consistently than the other. Which of you is usually the one in control, calling all the shots? Which person is the one that typically initiates sex? It’s fine to have a favorite way to do things, but don’t underestimate the value of switching things up every once in a while.
The same goes for exploring themes like power, dominance, and submission in the bedroom in fun new ways. You can start with something light and easy to approach like blindfolding or silk scarf play. If you like that, you can add spanking or verbal play. You may even want to try full scale bondage at some point. Just do what feels comfortable to both of you, know your boundaries, and have fun exploring!
Taking Time for Seduction
When you first come together with someone new, seduction is something that comes pretty naturally. When you’re more comfortable together and develop a routine, it can fall by the wayside altogether if you’re not careful. You develop a routine and you probably wind up simply hopping into bed and going through your usual moves without thinking much about it.
However, seduction is really too good to miss out on. It doesn’t take much effort either, just thought and creativity. Take the time to slowly undress one another. Send your partner a series of sizzling texts, pictures, or emails throughout the day, letting them know exactly what they have waiting for them when they come home that night. Make out with them in the car or in the kitchen once in a while, but stop short of actually having sex just then. You’ll love what it does for your libido and your sex life.
Being a Little Selfish
Prioritizing your partner’s pleasure is definitely the right way to go a lot of the time. After all, it’s only polite, right? Just understand that sometimes it’s more than OK to be a little selfish in bed as well. Trust us when we say your partner will probably find it as exhilarating as you do. Who doesn’t like to feel like their partner is so into things that they can barely control themselves?
Definitely take care of your partner in the pleasure department. Just make sure you’re not forgetting to focus on your own pleasure in the process. Give yourself permission to know what you want, to ask your partner for it, and to make sure you ultimately get it. Then turn the tables and invite your partner to do the same.
Experimenting with a Vibrator
It’s a common misconception that vibrators are only for solo masturbation. Sure, that’s one way to enjoy yours for sure, but it’s great for making sexy time with your partner a little more buzzworthy as well. After all, vibrators are made to stimulate nerve endings and we all have those.
If your partner has a penis, try putting your vibe on the lowest setting and holding it against their scrotum the next time you go down on them. If they’re new to vibrators, this will introduce them to some new sensations they won’t soon forget. The vibrations can feel just as wonderful when used to stimulate the perineum, anal area, or nipples as well.
If your partner’s open to the idea, but apprehensive about the idea of something penis-like anywhere near their naughty bits, consider getting started with a vibrating bullet instead of a more phallic alternative. Don’t forget to let them take the reins and use it on you as well!
Building a Toy Chest
Once you get used to using even one sex toy as a couple, it might not be a bad idea to start putting together an actual toy chest you can get into when you feel like spicing things up in the future. Start with simple items you might have already tried and enjoyed like vibrators, simple restraints, or unusual lubes. Then add to your collection together. Options can include but definitely don’t have to be limited to costumes, anal beads, leather paddles, porn, or even erotica you can read together.
Every so often, sit down together in front of your laptop, log on to your favorite sex toy site, and explore the available options as a couple. This is an excellent opportunity to discuss fantasies or get inspired as far as new things you’d like to try together. Take turns pointing out toys or accessories you think sound like fun. Make special occasions like Valentine’s Day or your anniversary extra hot by ordering something totally new to try.
Seizing Opportunities to Be Vulnerable
When you’re thinking of ways to make your sex life spicier and more exhilarating, you might not think of vulnerability right away, but you really should. When you’re in it with somebody else for the long haul, consciously letting your guard down is an important and very powerful way you can connect with each other in the bedroom. It’s a great way to become more comfortable with yourself as well. Plus, it can really add some heat to your routine on a level that might surprise you.
How you pursue vulnerability is totally up to you, but you can start with some frank talk as far as what does and doesn’t feel good. For some people, becoming more vocal in bed and embracing the power of some well-timed moans is a great way to be more vulnerable. You can make eye contact with your partner. You can stop yourself the next time you reach over to turn out the light or catch yourself trying to hide your body. Whatever you do, just make sure it’s raw, honest, and authentic.
If you want a really easy way to get closer to your partner and set the stage for hotter, more frequent sex, start sleeping naked. When pajamas aren’t part of the mix anymore, there’s one less obstacle standing in the way between the two of you and some serious action. When you’re both nude, you’ll both find that you notice one another’s bodies more as you cuddle and make contact throughout the night.
Getting comfortable with being nude more of the time can help you become more comfortable with your own body as well. The more “at home” you start to feel in your own skin, the more inspired you’ll be to take things to the next level with the one you love.
Putting Masturbation on the Menu
Masturbation is good for a whole lot more than simply making up the difference if you and your partner are going through a dry spell. Taking time out for a little solo play now and then is a great way for both of you to stay connected with the sexual side of yourselves. It’s also an opportunity to reconnect with your own body, enjoy the way it experiences pleasure, and reconnect with your own arousal process – all things that help you be a better lover when it’s time to get busy with your partner.
Giving yourself (or each other) a hand during foreplay or intercourse can also add variety and additional sensation to your time together. Try a mutual masturbation session that allows the both of you to watch each other get off. Spending some time using fingers or sex toys to get each other off can be pretty sexy as well.
Making an Effort to Get Busy Regularly
Sex has a lot in common with working out. If you fall out of the habit of doing it on the regular, it can be pretty hard to start things up again and eventually get back to where you were. While there’s something to be said for simply letting things run their course, it’s often better to put in the effort to keep things from stalling in the first place.
Don’t let yourselves fall into a dry spell. Set aside the time and make the effort to have sex regularly. If you find making a “sex schedule” helps you, do that! It’s perfectly fine if it takes one or both of you a little time to get in the mood. Just communicate, be creative, and don’t be afraid to explore new things together going forward.