If you’re like many people who’ve yet to try anal play (up to and including anal sex), you’re probably pretty curious about it. But you’re likely a little intimidated by the idea, as well. Some people worry about pain or messiness, while others just aren’t quite sure how to approach it, and all of that is very normal.
However, you should know that you don’t have to go from being a total anal newbie straight to having full-on anal sex. There are lots of ways to enjoy anal play and experiment with those sensations without going all the way. And since August is actually Anal August, there’s no better time than now to get started.
1. Discuss it with your partner
If anal play is something you’ll be sharing with your partner (or hope to at some point), the best place to start your journey is with a good, honest talk. Yes, it’s important to make sure you’re both on the same page as far as wanting to try this. But talking things out is also the best way to build anticipation and figure out what you each want out of the experience.
Take turns talking about what you’re most curious about trying. How does each of you feel about giving versus receiving? Make sure you discuss hard limits and boundaries, as well, as it’s important that both of you feel comfortable.
2. Get super aroused before playing
Just about any new bedroom activity is 100 percent hotter when you’re both as aroused as possible. Making sure you’ve both reached full arousal before playing is also the best way to do away with any lingering nerves either of you might have.
So don’t feel the need to head straight for the anal the minute you hit the sheets. Instead, take your time building up to things with foreplay and letting your inhibitions recede into the background first. Then, approach things a bit at a time by working anal play into your natural routine.
3. Include the perineum
Just as everyone has an anus, everyone also has a perineum – the short patch of skin between the anus and the scrotum or vagina. Like the anus itself, the perineum is loaded with sensitive nerve endings that respond very well to all sorts of stimulation.
Try massaging or stroking the perineum with your fingers to activate the area and get your partner used to the sensation. You can also try gently kissing or licking the area. Many people enjoy the unique sensation of having a partner use their breath to stimulate the perineum, too. Try alternating between exhaling warm breaths and inhaling near the area to mix things up.
4. Bring a toy into the mix
A small, non-penetrative vibrator – like a vibrating egg or magic bullet – is another really great, non-intimidating way to stimulate the anus and surrounding areas. Start on a low setting and use the vibe to gently tease the anal area while you make love to your partner or give them oral sex.
If you both like that, you can decide whether you’re ready to try penetration. Just make sure you’re using a toy specially designed to be anal-safe before you go that route. The anal opening has a way of swallowing items that are placed inside it, and this can easily happen with a small vibrator or other toy if it’s not designed for anal use.
5. Have plenty of lube on hand
Ask anyone who knows their way around anal play, and they’ll tell you that lube is the key to a great experience every time, and with good reason. The anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication, so it makes sense to bring your own to the party.
Lube ensures fingers, toys, and just about anything else glide smoothly over delicate skin and sensitive nerve endings. The right lube can help convey vibrations and amplify pleasure, as well. For best results, try a lube formulated especially for anal play. Such lubes are generally extra plush and long-lasting – perfect for all things anal, including anal sex.
6. Go at your own pace
Don’t worry about measuring up to some imaginary standard when it comes to your anal play. Everyone is different. Some people eventually work their way up to having anal sex and absolutely love it, while others are perfectly satisfied with touching, kissing, and occasional toy play. Some try it and decide they don’t like anal play at all, and that’s okay, too.
Start slow, and go at your own pace. Communicate before, during, and after any play that involves your partner. Talk periodically about what you’d like to try next, and let your newfound anal repertoire work its way naturally into the rest of your sexual routine. As long as it’s safe, consensual, and welcome, anything goes.
