It’s no secret that orgasms can be elusive for many women. In fact, a whopping 70% of women either never have them during intercourse or have them very rarely. Still more women (as many as 10%, to be more specific) have never had an orgasm at all or else they’ve had them, but can’t seem to discover the trick to having more of those super-intense, toe-curling experiences they crave so intensely.
Believe it or not, the ability to have regular, very satisfying orgasms is something you can learn and ultimately perfect with practice. Maybe you’re still chasing your very first orgasm. Perhaps you have them regularly, but want them to be even more awesome. You might be looking to orgasm during intercourse more often. Whatever the case may be, the following tips can help.
1. Check your expectations at the door.
It’s all too common for women that have trouble reaching orgasm to wind up obsessing over it. They worry that they’re not normal or that their lack of an orgasm means they’re not truly enjoying a sexual experience. We’re here to assure you of what we hope you already know on some level — that neither of those things is true.
Try switching things up as far as the end goal of your next solo session and seeing what happens. Instead of actively working toward orgasm in particular. Focus on simply exploring different kinds of touch and discovering everything that makes you feel good instead. If it helps, you can even set a timer to help you decide when the session ends. The better you know your own body, the higher your chances of eventually climaxing with a partner.
2. Get yourself an oxytocin boost.
You may already be aware of how hormonal fluctuations can affect your sex drive and your ability to enjoy a given encounter to the fullest. What you may not know is there’s a lot of evidence out there to suggest oxytocin in particular may be the key to having intense orgasms that truly curl your toes.
One study found that couples who’d used a nasal spray containing oxytocin before engaging in sexual activity had significantly stronger orgasms than those that only received a placebo. You don’t need a spray to duplicate those results for yourself though. You enjoy a natural jolt of oxytocin when you cuddle, hug, or otherwise engage in intimate, close contact with your partner. All the more reason to cozy up together more often, whether or not you’re about to have sex!
3. Don’t rush past foreplay.
Sex actually has a lot in common with exercising in that taking enough time to warm up first can make all the difference in the world when it comes to getting the results you’re after. While we certainly have nothing against a good quickie now and then, making enough room for foreplay in your repertoire exponentially increases your chances of having an earth-shattering orgasm.
The type of foreplay you choose makes a big difference in your end result as well. Many women respond extremely well to hand stimulation as well as oral sex. You should, of course, include whatever does it for you personally though. All the more reason to make sure you spend enough time getting to know what you like on your own.
4. Make sure you’re experimenting on your own.
If you still see masturbation as second-rate in comparison to partnered sex, it’s officially time to rethink things. Solo sessions are seriously good for you physically, mentally, and emotionally. They’re the best way to eventually master the fine art of having amazing orgasms as well.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that married or partnered women don’t (or shouldn’t) masturbate either. They absolutely do, even if they’re having sex on the regular. Many women even make masturbation an important part of how they pamper or spoil themselves, whether or not they’re in a relationship at the time. Why not follow their lead?
5. Explore the wide, wonderful world of sex toys.
Speaking of masturbation, if you aren’t already the proud owner of a vibrator, you should really think about getting one. We promise it’ll be an absolute game changer when it comes to your orgasm game. What kind you get is completely up to you, but if you’re not sure what to buy, it’s hard to go wrong with a legendary rabbit-style vibrator capable of giving you phenomenal blended orgasms.
You don’t have to keep the good vibrations all to yourself either. Try bringing your vibrator into the bedroom and using it together with your partner either before or during intercourse. You might want to think about checking out vibrating toys made especially for couples as well (i.e. vibrating cock rings).
6. Try delaying the big moment.
Maybe you’re already an orgasm expert, but just want to know how you can pretty much guarantee yourself a real mind-blower. Well, good things really do come to those that wait, so you might want to experiment with delayed gratification. Set aside a block of time to play so you can go for as long as you like. Bring yourself about 90% of the way toward an orgasm and then stop. Then repeat as many times as you like (or can handle). When you finally do allow yourself to go over the edge, it’ll be seriously intense.
If you’re both game, you and your partner can try it together. If you enjoy that experiment, consider looking into tantric sex as well. Couples that swear by tantric sex have reported lessened depression, better overall sexual health, super-intense orgasms, and a drastically increased sense of closeness to their partner among many other benefits.
7. Stick with that gym habit.
Getting fit and staying that way isn’t just something that would make your doctor happy if you did it. It’s about more than looking forward to bathing suit season instead of dreading it as well. It’s pretty much guaranteed to make your sex life better in a number of exciting ways.
You’ll have more energy and stamina. You’ll become stronger and more flexible, making it a cinch to master those intense positions you’ve only been able to dream about in the past. And you’ll probably find that your libido and ability to have amazing orgasms improve as well. Most importantly of all, your confidence will go through the roof. A very important factor when it comes to how much we enjoy sex.
8. Strengthen that pelvic floor.
Some of the best exercises you can do to improve your sex life and the quality of your orgasm don’t require a gym membership. They can be done anytime and anywhere. Kegels are simple clench-and-release moves that help build and strengthen the muscles in your pelvic floor. A strong pelvic floor lowers your risk of developing urinary or bowel incontinence as you age or after childbirth. It can also make you feel tighter during sex, as well as deliver some truly powerful orgasms.
To do a Kegel, you simple contract the same set of muscles you’d use to stop a urine stream, hold for a few seconds, release, and repeat. No one can tell you’re doing them, so feel free to engage in a set of 10 Kegels several times a day (or whenever you remember). You can strengthen your pelvic floor even further by experimenting with Ben Wa balls, weight pairs you insert into your vagina and practice holding in place for extended lengths of time.
9. Choose your sex partner carefully.
If you’re personally looking to orgasm more often during intercourse and you’re not currently in a committed relationship, you might want to give some thought to your choices in partners. For many women, the presence or absence of an emotional connection really does make a difference in how good the sex is.
That said, don’t just hook up with guys based on their six-pack abs or their pretty faces. If you’re like many women, you’re more likely to get off if you sleep with someone you’d at least potentially want to spend time with outside the bedroom. It doesn’t hurt to try it, right?
10. Make a deal with your partner.
Most of the times you and your play partner are down to get dirty, the experience is ultimately about both of you. Sex can be really fun when all the focus is on one person or the other for a change though. It can be a great way to not only get to know what you like sexually, but for your partner to learn how to please you and vice versa.
Consider asking them how they feel about the occasional “all about you/me” night. Tell them you want the two of you to take turns being the focus of such nights. Intersperse those nights with other sessions where the favor’s actually returned. Many couples find this method helpful when it comes to finally getting into synch with one another from an orgasm standpoint – perfect if the two of you have been chasing the fabled simultaneous O for a while! Try it and see.