Although there’s nothing quite like the sparkle of a new relationship when it comes to sexy time, it’s only natural for that hot and heavy feeling to dissipate after a while. However, it shouldn’t mean losing all sexual interest in your partner or settling for boring, predictable sex.
Intimacy is a critical part of any healthy, lasting relationship, and sex is an integral part of that. But after you’ve been together a while, it takes a little effort to keep things passionate and fresh in the bedroom. Here are a few tips for keeping your partner interested (and the vibe in your bedroom red hot) whether you’ve been together for three weeks or three decades.
Make a habit of talking about sex.
While most couples have sex, far too many of them don’t talk about it with any regularity. When was the last time you and your partner talked about your sex life? If you’ve never had an honest conversation about sex or it’s been a while, consider opening the topic up for discussion sometime soon.
Yes, the two of you should talk shop about what is and isn’t working for you in the bedroom, but don’t stop there. Talk about what turns you on and what you fantasize about. Ask your partner what turns them on and what they’d like to try with you sometime. Not only does talking about sex keep it on your mind more often, but it opens the door to a wealth of future possibilities.
Be open to a bit of spontaneity.
When you’ve been with someone a long time, your life together is going to fall into a certain rhythm after a while. This isn’t necessarily bad, as routines are important for maintaining a sense of stability and well-being. You don’t want to let things get too routine in the bedroom, though.
Think back to when the two of you first got together. Sex was likely a top priority and something you were pretty spontaneous about. Going out of your way to be spontaneous now can pay off in a big way, both in and out of the bedroom. Plan little surprises or outings for your partner. Show up to bed in brand new lingerie just for the heck of it. Get a little naughty in public. You get the picture.
Take the initiative more often.
Many couples fall into a pattern after a while where one of them always initiates sex while the other simply goes along for the ride. If you’re not the person who initiates, it’s time to step out of your comfort zone and take matters into your own hands more often. Not only will it help your partner feel more desired, but it will empower you to go after sex when you want it more often, as well.
If you’re usually the one who makes the first move, and you would like that to change, consider bringing it up for discussion with your partner. Avoid being critical or making it sound like you’re complaining. Approach it from a “you know what would be so hot” kind of angle instead.
Make sure you’re getting enough alone time.
A great relationship isn’t about spending every second together or functioning as one single entity all the time. It’s about two well-rounded individuals enjoying one another’s company and building something new together. That means both of you should be taking time for yourselves as individuals.
Ideally, you should make a little time each day to practice healthy self-care, engage in hobbies you enjoy, or otherwise have a little “me” time. Autonomy and self-confidence are sexy qualities, so retaining your independence ultimately benefits your relationship, both in and out of the bedroom.
Flirt with each other.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking flirting is something only single people do. Making flirting a forever thing between you and your partner is a terrific way to keep each other sexually interested. It’s fun, it’s simple, and it’s a very effective way of making both yourself and the other person feel sexy and desired – fundamental in any long-term relationship.
How you flirt is entirely up to you, but there are lots of approaches you can try. It can be as simple as engaging in PG-13 banter over the dinner table or letting your hands roam a little the next time your partner leans in for a hug and a kiss goodbye in the morning. Teasing each other over text while you’re apart during the day can be a great way to set the stage for something spicy a little later, as well.
Keeping your sex life exciting and your partner’s sexual interest isn’t rocket science, but it does take some dedication and creativity. It’s never too soon to start exploring the possibilities.
