Sex is an essential issue for every couple. Whether or not you have enough good-quality sex directly affects how happy you are in general and how satisfied you are with your relationship in particular. But it’s not enough for couples to focus on making sure they’re doing it often enough. You need to be talking about sex, as well – something many couples should do a lot more often. The following are just a few critical sex related topics that should be on every couple’s discussion list. Which ones do you need to add to yours?
1. How Often You Should Have Sex
No two people’s sex drives are precisely the same. Some people would happily have sex multiple times a day if they could, while others are fine with doing it a couple of times a month, if at all. Most people fall somewhere in the middle, but any couple is bound to have some differences.
Talking about your preferred frequency and how it differs from your partner’s is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. Which of you has a higher sex drive? How big is the gap in ideal frequency between the two of you? There’s no set number of times a couple needs to be having sex per week or month, so compromise on a frequency that works for both of you.
2. Your Turn-Ons and Turn-Offs
Don’t assume that you know everything there is to know about your partner’s turn-ons and turn-offs just because you’ve been together a while. Most people have fantasies they’re embarrassed to admit to or things they’d like to try in bed that they’re afraid to ask for. They have things they pretend to enjoy simply because they think their partner is into it, as well.
If you and your partner haven’t yet had a candid discussion about these things and other sex related topics, you need to. Tell each other in specific terms how you most like to be touched, what you like most about your current sex life, and what you’d like to experiment with in the future. Do you like sex with the lights off or on? Are you comfortable trading fantasies, or would you prefer they stay private? How does each of you feel about adding toys and other accessories to your repertoire?
3. How You Define Infidelity
This may not be the sexiest conversation you and your partner will ever have, but it may well be one of the most important. With more and more different kinds of relationships becoming socially acceptable, you can’t merely assume that you and a partner are on the same page. Taking the initiative to get on the same page now could save you a lot of trouble and heartache down the line.
Make sure you’re thorough as far as what you discuss, as well. Most couples would think to go over the big points like different degrees of physical or emotional intimacy but overlook other possible trouble areas. For instance, how does each of you feel about the other watching pornography? What about socializing or maintaining close friendships with persons of another gender?
4. Your Favorite Experiences Together
When you’re with the same partner for a long time, some experiences are going to be much more wow-worthy than others. Your partner isn’t psychic, though, so don’t just assume they already know which of those times totally curled your toes. If a particular romp or something the two of you tried together once was extra-special, let them know. Prompt them to do the same.
Sharing what you’ve loved most about your sex life together helps build intimacy, as well as provides valuable feedback about what’s going well. It’s fun, and it’s intimate. It can be exceptionally hot, too, so don’t be surprised if glowing feedback from you on a particular play session triggers a repeat.
5. Your Approach to Birth Control
If you’re in a relationship that can potentially result in a pregnancy, it’s important to discuss birth control and family planning topics. This shouldn’t be a discussion you only have once, either. You should check in with one another frequently to make sure you’re still on the same page about your current method, how you’d want to handle an unplanned pregnancy, and so forth.
This is especially important for long-term relationships. Points of view on topics like whether or not to start a family (and when) can change more than once over the years, so it’s essential to make sure you’re talking openly enough about it, as well as bringing it up for discussion often enough.
Of course, these are just a few of the many sex related topics couples ought to be having, but they’re an excellent place to start. What other issues do you and your partner consider essential to bring up for discussion now and then?
