It’s a common misconception that the healthiest attitude to have toward a new relationship is one that’s completely free of any expectations whatsoever. A person who does this might think they’re just being easygoing and relaxed – totally desirable qualities that everyone likes in a partner. However, they could actually be setting themselves up for unhappy situations where they’re not respected or otherwise not treated well.
Confident, emotionally healthy people don’t expect their partners to be perfect or to follow a lengthy list of persnickety rules. They do go into new relationships with healthy attitudes and grounded expectations that lay the groundwork for a positive connection. The following are some great signs that your head is in the right place.
1. You don’t make sex the be-all and end-all.
Even if you’re choosing not to have it for reasons of your own, sex is an essential consideration in any relationship. It’s an integral part of creating and maintaining intimacy, so emotionally healthy people definitely take it seriously. However, they don’t see regular sex as something they’re entitled to in a relationship or that their partner owes them.
Healthy, stable relationships are situations where the sexual needs of both partners are considered and respected. That could mean having vanilla sex, kinky sex, tons of sex, or no sex at all. You don’t need to be jumping each other’s bones daily or comfortable going all the way in the kink department to prove you’re happy together. What matters is that those involved in the relationship are satisfied.
2. You get that all people are flawed.
You also understand that “all people” includes you. Plus you know that you’re not free of flaws, but you can honestly say you’re doing your best. And you accept and love yourself even though you’re not (and never will be) perfect. You’re also honest with your partner about all of these things.
Healthy people also go into new relationships with the expectation that their partner isn’t going to be perfect, either. They will come with baggage, weaknesses, and the ability to make mistakes, too. However, an emotionally healthy person will accept these things as part of the package and take the person as they come.
3. You see communication as absolutely essential.
Communication is a critical component in any relationship, whether it’s casual, serious, or something in between. The more developed your communication skills and the more comfortable you are being frank with your partner about your needs, the better.
Emotionally healthy people expect to talk about their feelings in a relationship and listen to their partner talk about theirs. They’re transparent and communicative when it comes to what they want out of a relationship, what they need to enjoy themselves in the bedroom, and everything in between.
4. You know people and priorities change.
When you’ve just gotten into a brand new relationship, and everything’s all sunshine and roses, it’s tempting to want things to stay that way forever. It feels good to know your partner only has eyes for you and that you’re number one on their running priority list. Sooner or later, though, life is going to demand that the two of you do something other than have sex all day long. People with healthy expectations for their relationships understand this.
They also get that even if things work out, change is still a constant in any relationship. You and your partner will both evolve over time. Your priorities will likely change as you grow as people, as well. The key to success is to make sure you grow together instead of apart, and a little understanding goes a long way there.
5. You consider alone time important.
Everyone’s known (or dated) someone who would happily spend every single second around their partner if they could. However, this isn’t healthy behavior by any stretch of the imagination. Emotionally balanced people with healthy attitudes love spending time around their partners, friends, or family for sure. But they’re also comfortable with their own company.
Sure, working out with a partner is fantastic, but are you cool with going to the gym alone if they’re not into it? How about your partner? Are they able to handle it when you’re not into all the same things they like? Healthy relationships mean the people involved have things they like to do together and on their own. It’s a normal, positive thing to want some time or space to yourself sometimes.
A great relationship that stands the test of time is an important part of a person’s life. However, it leaves room for those involved to be independent individuals with their own interests and pursuits, as well. Expecting this in a relationship is a good thing, and you shouldn’t settle for anything less.
