Although the idea of being a unicorn – someone who sleeps with (and occasionally dates) couples – still isn’t quite mainstream, it raises a lot fewer eyebrows than it would have years ago. Today, experimenting and exploring when it comes to one’s sexuality is much more widely accepted. And those who haven’t quite found the courage to do it for themselves yet often envy those who have.
However, being someone’s unicorn isn’t all fun and games. There’s a lot to consider first if you’re serious about having an all-around positive experience. The following are some great examples to keep in mind, especially when you’re still a relatively inexperienced unicorn.
1. Where Your Boundaries Are
If you’re brand new to being with a couple sexually or romantically, spend some time reflecting on your reasons for pursuing it in the first place. Is it because you genuinely feel a polyamorous, non-monogamous lifestyle is right for you, or are you merely hoping to prove something to yourself? There’s no right or wrong decision here – only the one that’s right for you.
And if you decide to go ahead with things, you’ll want to know where your limits are. Are you just interested in sex, or are you also into the idea of connecting with the couple outside of the bedroom on a romantic basis? What potential aspects of being someone’s unicorn are comfortable versus uncomfortable for you?
2. What the Couple Is Like
Just as there are healthy and unhealthy reasons for a single to become someone’s unicorn, some couples will be better fits for a polyamorous lifestyle than others. What you want is a couple that’s healthy, happy, and committed to one another. You don’t want to become a tool someone uses to oust themselves from an unhappy relationship.
It’s best not to spontaneously enter into a relationship like this. Good unicorn relationships start with serious conversations and enough time spent together to know whether everyone’s on the same page. Keep in mind that the couple has most likely discussed things thoroughly, so another conversation that adds you, your boundaries, and your expectations to the mix makes sense.
3. What the Ground Rules Are
It’s a common misconception that polyamorous relationships are all about throwing the rulebook out the window and doing whatever with whoever. It’s more about making up a set of rules that works for the people in the relationship. That said, every good poly relationship has ground rules. Unless they’re brand new to poly and super-inexperienced themselves, your couple will likely already have some rules they’d like to talk to you about.
If not, sit down just the three of you and come up with some that work for everyone. Keep in mind that there’s no such thing as a person with no boundaries – only people who don’t understand where theirs are. Run far away from couples who swear they don’t have any limits or don’t care to make any rules.
4. Good Unicorn Etiquette
An established couple is already going to have a dynamic and flow of their own. Of course, it will change a bit once they add the perfect unicorn to the mix, but ultimately, it’s the third person’s job to adapt and work around the couple’s established status quo. Good unicorns not only make sure they have enough time to themselves but that the couple has quality time to spend on their own, as well.
Also, unless it’s something the three of you agree to from the get-go, it’s generally best not to see one half of the couple without the other. Drama, hurt feelings, and issues are almost inevitable once that starts – especially if it isn’t agreed upon before it happens.
5. The Importance of Check-Ins
Communication is vital in any relationship, but it’s especially critical in situations that involve more than two people. That said, it’s important to encourage it on an ongoing basis. Feelings, situations, and people change. If and when that happens, your dynamic (and possibly also your ground rules) should change as well. This goes for you, as well as for the couple you’re seeing.
Check in with the couple often to see how things are going. Make sure they’re happy with the dynamic, that everyone’s needs are being met (including yours), and that no one’s boundaries have been violated in any way. If there are new things anyone wants to try – in the bedroom or outside of it – check-ins are an excellent time to discuss those, as well.
Dating a couple can be a fun, exciting way to expand your sexual horizons on many levels. You get to enjoy a unique, intimate dynamic that’s unlike any other kind. However, you still get to date other people and continue to explore further connections outside of what you share with your couple. Try it! You might like being someone’s unicorn.
