The days when anal play was considered semi-kinky and well off the beaten trail are long over with. These days, “butt stuff” is on the menu for anyone and everyone, so there’s never been a better time to explore what playing with your back door can do for your sex life.
Even the most seasoned anal play lover had to start somewhere, though, so there’s no shame in needing a few pointers, especially when you’re brand new to it. Here are a few tips to keep in mind to ensure you get the most out of the experience, whether you try anal play alone or bring a partner along for the ride.
Make sure everyone involved is on board.
This includes you. Before you dive right into the wonderful world of anal play, make sure you’re doing it because you genuinely want to. Don’t feel you have to do it because everyone else is. This isn’t something you need to embrace because you think your partner expects it, either. You should at least be curious about it in your own right before you go ahead.
If you’re planning on exploring the possibilities with a partner, make sure you have a frank, open conversation about it beforehand. Anal play isn’t the kind of thing you should try to spring on a partner in the heat of the moment. Explain to them that you want to try something new, and ask them outright how they feel about anal. Then discuss precisely what you’d like to do in detail. You’ll both be more likely to have a terrific time.
Start small, and work your way up.
One of the biggest reasons some people have nothing but horror stories to tell about anal play is they didn’t start small enough. Instead of working their way up to being penetrated by a penis or a full-sized dildo, they expected their anal sphincter to behave like a vagina. The anus does not expand naturally the way a vagina does, so don’t expect to go all the way to full penetration on the first try.
Instead, wait for a time you’re super relaxed and turned on, preferably while masturbating or playing with your partner. Explore your anus and the area around it with your fingers first. If you like the way that feels, consider experimenting further with a small butt plug or another petite anal toy. Just make sure that if you do use a toy, it has a flared safety base, so there’s no danger of it getting lost inside you. When you’re ready for more, you’ll know.
Don’t skimp on the lube.
Also unlike a vagina, your anal opening doesn’t produce its own lubrication, but you’ll definitely want some. That means keeping plenty of good quality lube on hand and being relatively liberal with it any time you plan on doing backdoor stuff. And make sure you err on the side of caution. When it comes to anal, there’s no such thing as too much lube.
It’s also a good idea to select a lube designed especially for anal play. Silicone or oil-based lubes feel fantastic with anal play because of their sleekness and staying power. However, they’re not compatible with condoms or most toys. If your play will involve either of those things, choose a thick water-based lube explicitly formulated for anal play. Feel free to experiment with different brands and consistencies. The right lube can seriously elevate backdoor play, so it’s worth shopping around for one you love.
Stop if you’re uncomfortable.
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you anal play always hurts or is uncomfortable. If you’re doing it right and using enough lube, it should never hurt. Don’t force yourself to continue with any activity that does hurt or otherwise makes you uncomfortable. It’s OK to give something a try only to realize right away that you’re just not into it.
Before you start, especially if you’re exploring anal play with a partner, make a deal with one another that if either of you doesn’t like what’s going on for any reason at all, it’s cool to pull the kill switch. Check in with one another often during your play, as well to make sure you’re both having a good time.
Clean up thoroughly when you’re done.
Although you don’t need to worry about poop too much when you’re playing with your backdoor, it’s still essential to clean up well after. Gentle, fragrance-free body wipes that you keep close by are great for cleaning up after intimate play of any kind, especially anal.
You’ll also want to thoroughly clean and disinfect any toys you used as soon as possible to keep things hygienic. Not only will your toys thank you for your thoroughness, but your body will, too!