One of the best things about a new relationship is all the sex you and your new paramour can’t stop having. No matter how many times you’ve been through the process before, the incredible chemistry you have with a brand new partner feels like something that will never come to an end. When it inevitably does, you’re left feeling confused and wondering what went wrong.
It’s normal for your sex life with someone to taper off after you’ve been together a while, especially once you start building a life together. You build careers, have kids, and work hard to cultivate rich, full lives in every sense of the word. Sex is naturally going to take a back seat once in a while, and the occasional dry spell is inevitable. Sexual dry spells shouldn’t be the norm, though. Here’s a look at how to handle them when they occur in your relationship.
When Should You Worry?
No two people will have the same exact sex drive, so what seems like too much or too little sex to a friend could well be just fine for you. Every couple is different, as well, so the fact that you and your current partner aren’t going at it constantly the way you and an ex were isn’t necessarily a red flag.
Sexual dry spells are regular, occasional occurrences for everyone. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore your gut if you genuinely feel something might be wrong. The following are some signs that it might be time to open a dialogue with your partner and work toward a solution together.
- Your partner is uninterested in sex on a level that’s out of character for them.
- Your dry spells seem to be dragging on longer and longer each time, as well as becoming more frequent.
- The lack of sex is getting to you physically, mentally, emotionally, or all of the above.
- There might be a medical cause for the dry spell that should be checked by a professional.
How to Talk to a Partner
Open, frank discussion about sex comes more easily for some people than others. When you and your partner haven’t been having much sex, the topic becomes even more sensitive, so it’s hard to know where to start. However, it’s essential that you do. Communication is the key to any good relationship, and it’s the first step to successfully ending a sexual dry spell. Here are some tips on how to approach it.
- Ask your partner if they can set aside some time to talk with you about your dry spell.
- Declare the discussion a judgment-free interaction. Stress the fact that you want both of you to feel comfortable expressing your concerns.
- Avoid blaming your partner for the dry spell or assuming you know why it’s happening. Instead, stress how much you love them and miss being intimate with them.
- Take turns expressing your concerns and listening to your partner express theirs.
Once you’ve cleared the air a little regarding the possible reasons for the dry spell, you can get to work on putting an end to it together.
How to End a Sexual Dry Spell
There’s no one way to put a dry spell to bed. It’s up to you to decide how you want to approach the issue, but the following ideas may be helpful if you’d like a head start.
Leave your expectations at the door.
The more prolonged and more pronounced the sexual dry spell, the more time it will take to get your groove back. Don’t set the bar too high right out of the gate. Keep in mind that you don’t have to be that couple in the movies for your intimate encounters to bring you closer or feel worth it.
Redefine what counts as sex.
Many people feel that there has to be penetration for an encounter to count as sex, and at least one of the parties involved needs to reach orgasm. Instead of focusing on penetration and orgasm as the goal, aim for intimacy and connection instead. There’s plenty else you can do that feels good and can help you reconnect with one another.
Make the most of the little moments.
Much as there doesn’t have to be penetration and orgasm for something to feel good or count as sex, you don’t need to have time for a full-blown encounter to enjoy a moment. Smaller gestures like lingering kisses or caresses go a long way toward bringing intimacy back. And if you are in the mood for more, a quickie can do the job just fine in a pinch.
Like every other aspect of your relationship, your sex life is bound to have its ups and downs. How you handle the downs is just as important as how thoroughly you enjoy the ups.
